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Hey whoever reads these journal things. if you wanna help me out, I need some advise, or maybe just someone who'll listen. There's this girl I konw named Erin. She goes to the same church as me. and we were writing a story together untill we got into this long,drawn out fight. We e-mailed , IM'd and PM'd eachother back and forth for three weeks. Even though it's over, she's still tearing me up inside. she's not really making me angry (I'm sure that's what it looks like.) It's more of every other emotion.

I love what I see in her. (Friend type love) She's probably four years younger than me, and she creates everything around her and When she's getting criticised, she has an amazing amount of respect for the people who see it, she does try to. All together, she has the right amount of experiance for her age, but for some things, she's far beyond her years. (for instance if she's reading this, I would trust and expect it not to go to her head.) She's still young (oh how she hates that word) and still has her breaking points, but she wants the right things, and I know from experiance that if she keeps the things she has it will take her far. She's already brilliant.

Then I'm worried. Because she's just like me in some places. She tries to figure people out, and she deals pretty hard when she wants something. Even though, from what I know, she almost always just wants something good or something that makes sense, or something she just loves. I really didn't like the way she negotiated with me, and if she sounds like that, then how do I sound?

Therefore, I have nothing left but to be sad. The big mess is that I'm trying reall hard to stay pure right now, I'm going on a mission for my church in a little while, and I don't want to be fighting with friends. I'm also getting over a long, grueling "task." (If I told you what it was, I'd have to kill you, or worse, convert you!) Anyways, I'm tired and spent, and I have no strength left to explain things anymore, especially to someone as smart as her. (the smarter they are the harder they listen.) and I'm giving up a chance at writing a wonderfull story, just because I need to write it, and she needs to play with it.

There's also one more factor. We have different views on how to go about writing something. She just writes what she feels and her feelings lead her. (like every fantasy writer) I calculate how the story flows. (just for the suspense) With these two views there's little othre options besides tearing eachother appart. Calculating the story is heartless, anytime you see a mistake, something that detracts or distracts from what feeling you want in the end, you cut out. There's a very big, almost expected, chance you'll cut a nerve of the one who was writing for feeling. Then there's feeling, you may write something that doesn't exactly help the ending, but you won't see it, or you'll love it too much to just through it away, or even change it. Why does it matter any way?

So should I really give up workign with someone I know is great, and has taught me a lot already, and I could teach her? Am I ok to walk away because I'm trying not to fight, and it's to much trouble teaching her, and we think completely different thoughts anyways? If I should stop, what's it worth to co-write something? How much trouble is ok if your trying to write something you beleive will be good to read? I still don't know if I did the right thing.