My Mental..
This story is about how I feel, think, act, and react. Also other things..
Well not sure to start off from but all I can say is.. I'm not feeling pain for nothing..For awhile now I have not been feeling myself..I think it all happend after my uncle past. My life just started to shatter little by little.. I have not been able to think clearly or even at all. First off, no one knows what I go through eve though they claim too.. What I go through is not the worst ever but it is one of the bad things. Second, I feel no one cares, and for those who read this are the ones who care for me I do not mean that way but I feel they do not care the way I want them too..Third, everything has pretty much been so bad and horrible for me.. I think I am having a mental break down. When I get frustrated I hit or smack my forhead hard so many times in a row.. and I just start to cry. I have also noticed that I have been crying a little more and more lately.. mostly for no reason. School hasn't been so good for me either. I hate people, even some are my own friends.. well Especially one, who acts like such a total slut bag whore by flirting with so many guys, and acting so innocent like a child asking or saying with a puppy dog pout "but I didn't do anything." God she ticks me off when she does that. I also hate when my supposed to be best friend(a guy.) seems to ignore me lately. Like he is trying to refrain from me as much as possible. Oh well..I guess all friendships are sometimes broken. I hate the month of November. The month of my uncle's death. Funy thing is I could have died also but I didn't. He was the only one who did. The accident happened years ago but it seems like yesterday sometimes..He died about two years after it happend. As far as I know.. the best thing that happened to me died years ago.. What I like to do is stare at a full moon and think.. think about what could've been and what I could've done. What I desire most is to be in a Enormous field of beautiful flowers of all kinda on a sunny day,no clouds, with a gentle breeze that will make my hair flow, and a small river near where I can just dip my feet..Another desire is to be on a high tree branch in a blossom tree, in a midnight sky, with such a beautful full moon, with the one I truly love..Like that will ever happen.. I would like for everything to turn out ok for me but its just so hard with everything that is going on..The way I would like it to be is that my mom will have what she wants and that she would stop bugging me about being in sports.. and that my step dad will finally realize that I am growing up and that he wil just listen to what we are all trying to tell him.. my older sister to be just happy with life at times..my little brothers not sure about what they want, just hope they grow up ok.. my grandmother to have money, what she really needs.. my aunt Janie's daughters..for them to have thier dad back because I can tell they are suffering with him being with another woman and paying more attention to her kids than his own.. and my aunt to straighten up and party less.. as for the others of my family not sure what they want in life but hope they can be happy.. As for me well all I really want is to know my real dad, to know what hes like. I want to know if I am like him or not, but that will never happen, not even in ten million years.. Well this is my story.. so far.. I hope this story has changed your attidude on life a bit and what I would like for you to do is write about what you want.. write your dreams, your fears, your life...
~Regina Infiniti Soliz
Community Member