Well my situation has been a hurtful dissapointment. I am 'hokay' though. I got her a card that I wrote a special subtle goodbye. I cannot hang out with a friend that cannot be truthful to me. Even so, I cannot spend time with a friend who cannot see my true intentions. I just ask few things of my friends: be honest, open, respectful, loyal and kind. Thats all.
So at work I had the best comeback to me day. Usually when I go to work I get lost and away from myself inside (not good days at work mind you). I was feeling ready, ready to give this to her and then it is officially over, back to square one, no more giving too much that I can handle. So I am also leaving my job and the news has spread and the friends who are cool are saying goodbye and that we should later have a bunch of drinks and all that good stuff. I run into one of my Exs. Cynthia was looking beautiful as I remembered her. Turns out she is visiting home for a bit from out of state and is doing well. We hugged and she left. It was nice to see her and i rememebred the fact that, I have met so many great people and the fact that we patr or never part is a fact of life. I was glad she was happy and for some reason I was even more happier.
I gave the gift with the card to the "Black Sorcoress" (my friends call her that after hearing my story) and hugged her good bye. I looked into her eyes...[BACK STORY: we would have this thing where we would catch a look into eachother's eyes and she would smile saying "what" and then I'd smile replying "nothing". we talked about it once and it was our thing of saying I like you because you are you kinda thing...its weird but thats it]...so I was saying goodbye because of the confusion, joy and the pain of everything she has given me, i was saying that in my eyes to the girl inside of her that I fell heart over for, and she responded "what?" only a bit clueless this time, for the first time, and I blinked softly and smiled saying softly and solomnly "nothing". Then she left. Gone. And the rest of the day and night was mine to go home late and get back onto Gaia, which was actin weird for a while, sharing the pc screen with freakin my cousin, ready to take a shower, go to bed, wake up for father's day, get some drawing done, hang with the family, workout, and be...and be happy.
You know people, you think you know people, you trust people, and...things happen. For good or for unexpected, doesn;t matter. We all move on. My friends have shown me much love and I love them all for that. I never found the right girl. no thats a lie. I had found the right girl once or maybe even twice, but I was not the right guy at the time. Now as I come more full with life and love in my world, eventually the right girl will come along. I do feel reborn. I am going through changes of college, work, and everything else. I am moving forwards. I am drawing. I am dancing my heart away. I get on that stage and flippin' DO IT! I have a lot going on in my life, so many good things that when a pinch of pain in the heart comes along, its not the end of the world. Its all just a new beginning.
<center> smile so that's life *breathe in and sigh* and love smile
journal entry song:
"Don't Take It Too Far" by 3 Speaker High
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Ohh, dude you put up the pic I made!! yay!! 4laugh