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October, my favorite season. Season of fun and creativity within the Halloween spirit. A kiss from a love at first sight warms the whole month even onwards to the next month of thankfullness. Truly thankful of such a great happiness nothing but the expression of being truly happy and her too says it all. A cold season comes along. Slight uncomfortable tensions rolls as a 'friend' makes a remark upon this well respected and valued love. An insult which sets me off. This feeling surffaced later even though trying to brush it off, it shakes the steadiness of what is happy. An uneasiness grows a thick shadow or worry and uncertainty. Always following no matter what I do. A shadow of doubt towards my truest of feelings growing against it. Suddenly there is a light, a light from the heart that casts the sensless shadow of doubt away...but it is too late. This battle of two to endure and grow ended with one stanind alone. A feeling of being surrounded by total darkness. Looking left and right, in front and in back trying to see where they went. No where can they be seen. Sadness creeps into my heart just as much as the love flowed into it...so that is quite a lot. My heart beats without its echo from the other calling back. Then something strange happens. A memory of uncertainty from her. A question she asks me. I look inside my heart and find the answer to what she requests and needs. The heart glows in reponse. I start a smile as I see inside my heart and notice her smile, her laugh, her playfullness, her arms outstrectched towards me. Times holding eachother laying down and talking about the past and dreams and deep feelings as we grow that special flower of trust again. I get sad sometimes at what we had lost. But as I look around in this darkness, a place once with light from her, I see a glow coming from my heart, directing me where to go. I start to walk.

Its clear to me that love is not ill or sellfish. Its almost a faith one may have in a God. It has been shown to me through pain, through pleasure, through smiles, & through tears. Through loss, & gain and being side by side right now I cannot see anything ahead. Maybe this is the way it was suppose to be? Before I predestined everything because I felt in love. Saying love I assumed no complications would occur in the pressent, that is unrealistic. When I was hurt I looked back on the past of our questioned love and was sad. Now there is nothing...no seen future, no dwelling past, no current pain...all that really exists now is love. Why the ******** did it not go away, why the ******** did it grow more? It was realized and crystalized, that is why...even though for titles it was too late. The love is still there, waiting and existing. Unknowing what lies ahead yet fearless nonetheless. This brings strength to me for I know that my love is not in vain and never was. This love should be treated with respect rather than selfishness, patience rather than urgency. Love should make you happy and you should be happy with love. People may not understand your love except those you do love. I can continue to write and write but lov is something that you can only try to explaine, but to know and understand it, that has to be shown & seen.