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I thought she liked me for so long! And then she breaks it to me like that!

Now I’m crying! (Literally) And will be for awhile, I can’t take this! I sit here soaked in tears and contemplating on what to do next, should I kill myself? Would she feel pity then! How can I make this raging fire subside, but I don’t want to forget about her! I WON’T! I just wish death, slowly and painfully upon me, how I long for a savage beating rather than this!

She’s a very beautiful girl, I care about her a lot, the moment I saw her, oh the moment I saw her, she is so beautiful! I love the way she has her hair and the look in her eyes and her cute little nose, oh, how I long to rub mine against it, and hold her in my arms, rub her back, kiss her forehead, lay down and read a book laying next to her in bed, to look over and smile and see her smile back, but this will never happen!!!!

I’m not as immature as she says I am! I really am not! I’ve thought of everything! A job, Marriage, a child of my own, a home, loving every second I spend with her! Because I LOVE HER! And to think, I thought that she actually cared about me, Damn her! She is so misleading!

I know I’m not old enough, it kills me to think that she is, if I seen her with a guy, holding her in his arms, running his fingers through her short beautiful hair, I’d drop to my keens, sobbing right there in front of her! I couldn’t take it! I’d run into the woods and never come back! EVER! I wish I could have told her.

But it all sounds too corny! To movie like, if I said that to her, she’d think I’m insane! How do I tell her! HOW! If I tell her everything, and I mean everything! Would she get scared? Or would she feel pity, and began to love me! Oh, how I want to tell her everything! I wish I could and I must!

Oh, Damn her! Treating me so nice and breaking it to me like that! When she told me that she didn’t like me that way, I felt my stomach twist in knots, my throat got a lump, my mouth got dry, and I nearly started sobbing and begging for her to give me a chance, now she tells her friend, and they are laughing it up at me behind my back! Should I kill myself? End it all here and now? I have no friend anyways, who would care if I died! Certainly not her! how nice it would be to die, but I cannot do it! Why! WHY! End all my troubles right here and now, never be hurt like this again, no more pressers, temptations, begging, crying, do I live like that, or kill myself! Perhaps neither, shall I wait, hoping she will one day love me as I love her?

Now I have to see her again! Shall I throw my arms around her? Squeeze her and tell her I love her?! Or shall I throw myself on the floor and beg for her to try, try to love me, or promise to give me a chance, all I ask is for a chance, one chance to be the one always there for her, to take care of her when she’s sick, hold her when she’s crying tell her I love her, run my fingers through her short blond hair, oh how I wish to be the one there for her, to come home after a log day at work take off my shoes and snuggle up next to her, on a rainy day with a tin roof under a blanket rubbing her back holding her and telling her how much I love her, laying side by side talking about are feelings, kiss her, caress her, tell her how much I love her, and cry out of happiness to be with her!

Then she makes it sound like its impossible we could ever be together!!!!! I’m too old for you, she says, does she want me to kill myself! I’ve only thought about it since the second I saw her! I can’t stop thinking about her! I don’t want to! I want to think she likes me, but I can’t seem to tell myself that she doesn’t! I can’t eat! Or sleep! What do I do, I must call her, beg her, beg her to please give me a chance to be the one there for her always, I want to be there, to take care of her, love her like myself, support her, love her, be with her, hold her, and never let her go, play video games with her tell our fingers fall off, go to the movies, of coarse we’ll have our problems, but I can put up with that, forgive her, always listen to what she has to say, respect her opinion, always love her and never stop, listen to her feelings, make her laugh, sit on the couch and watch TV, write stories together, I love her so much that’s not even half of how I care for her.

I can only hope that one day her feeling will change about me, for mine will remain forever! I do not want to date her, not tell I’m old enough to, I know I am to young now, if I got a job and made money till I am eighteen we could get married. But I just want her to wait for me, and give me a chance for I know I’m to young now, but in the future, to just give me a chance, I just want her to care!