There are times in my life when I feel the most unloved or under appreciated or taken for granted, and that's usually when I am by myself. Not when I'm just by myself for a little while, but for an extended amount of time. I've noticed that I get lonely a lot more easily since starting college. I'm not exactly sure why that is. I mean, I've gone most of my life as an introvert. I usually enjoy being by myself, but I guess all of those times I was by myself, I chose to be. Now I find myself to be alone when I least want to be. It's always worse when that happens. Part of the reason I'm alone so often now is because my roommate got a boyfriend. She spends pretty much every waking moment with him she can. It's a bit annoying because she's never here anymore and even when I invite her to do stuff, she never comes along anymore. I don't know what her deal is, but I miss being able to hang out w/ her. I know I've been rather involved w/ my boy toy lately, but I still try to make an effort to hang out with her when I can. I even ask her to bring her boy along, and she rarely ever comes to hang out. It's really sad. She's been saying she has a lot of stuff to do, and while I can understand this, she seems to spend all of her free time with him rather than w/ any of her friends. They haven't been together for very long, but I still think she needs to spend more time with other people as well as him. I'm just sick of a lot of stuff right now. I'm sick of missing my boy when he's not here with me, I'm sick of feeling alone, I'm sick of feeling unloved and under appreciated....I just wish I knew how to make myself feel better. HE always makes me feel better, but I feel like I've been smothering him lately. I'm kind of glad he went out of town this weekend. It gives us a bit of time apart and will help me to assess exactly how I feel about our relationship and why I've been so damn clingy lately. I don't know if I'm afraid I'm going to lose him or if I'm just so into him right now that I just want to spend as much time as possible with him....I'm not really sure what it is. I really miss him right now though. I wish he was here to hold me and tell me everything is alright. I'm tempted to call him up just so I could cry to him a bit, but I'm not sure that's a good idea. I just need someone to hold me right now, but I want that someone to be him. I miss him. I want to feel his arms around me. I've been trying to distract myself the past couple days with my friend Sonya. Her boyfriend is out of town so we've been trying to keep each other busy and keep our minds off of missing our boys. It was working up until she left for her dorm. Now that she's gone, there's no one here to distract me from the fact that he's not here. I never thought I could miss someone as much as I miss him. This isn't nearly as bad as over break, but I still sigh enough to drive people crazy, I'm sure. I just wish he was here right now.....
BenchWench · Sun Feb 03, 2008 @ 01:58am · 0 Comments |