So my mom and I were exploring today some possible ideas for my Senior Pic.
Idea #1: Medieval Theme
Idea #2: Garden Theme
Idea #3: Nature Theme
We went to that costume shop downtown. It's a really neat place. ^__^ The guy that works there makes the clothes. They even make costumes for the Paramount theater, too. Theater is so cool. x3 I love the Paramount.
It'll be taken in the Spring, most likely, when the flowers start blooming.
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College is going great so far. I've got about a B average. *woohoo*
I gotta save up for a laptop, though. .__. Funds are low the way it is. I can barely afford lunch, lol. Time to get a second job.
I'm thinking about going to the doctor for some psych issues. For a long time, my mind would change rapidly about numerous things and it's really troubling me. But it's human to adapt to different situations. I guess I just adapt to too many things at once. The way I act changes frequently towards people--but there are reasons behind them all I think. So it's probably normal. I'll be hyper and start acting weird to make people laugh and smile. Then I'd start getting irritable at every single imperfection. Then I'd act like a redneck. Then I'd act serious. Then I'd be a political activist. Then I'd be a total rebel. Then I'd get all paranoid about every single guy I meet. I'll be fine with them for a small amount of time until I start to freak out thinking they're gonna take advantage of me. Even my dad. Lately, I've been reeeaaally scared of my dad. Terrified. Every single thing he does irritates me and scares me. He's not good with words, which makes it MUCH worse. Once he asked me about a bra my mom bought for me a WHILE ago. THAT SCARED THE LIVING s**t OUTTA ME. Now I scorn every single thing he says or asks. I make sure he keeps his space. And I know most of the time he just wants to get to know his children better, but he had PLENTY of time to do that when we were kids. He's so obsessed with money, I don't give a s**t anymore. My mom doesn't even give a s**t. But I feel sorry for him. He blames the way he was raised. He had no attention from his parents whatsoever.
And to think my mom only married him so that her children could be "safe". She thought he'd be a "safe" guy. She didn't love him.
Sometimes I wish I never were born. This makes me feel like a mistake. She even told me to learn from her mistakes. Since I knew she didn't like my dad (was it fifth grade?) I judged every single guy I met. I didn't want to make a mistake.
I mean... what am I going to do? How does this make me safe? I didn't even feel well protected as a child. It was all so bland. There wasn't much excitement. We didn't get to do what most kids did. That's why our house is so boring. Nobody ever wanted to go to our house when we were kids. Not even now. But it's a safe house. "Safe". There's nothing motivating about this house. I just wanna get out of here and maybe be like my aunts n' live the folk style way. I wanna live in a place where there are hills, grasslands, rivers, lakes... like Red Wing or Duluth.
Ugh. What the hell am I going to do? Do I even want a family? I just want to get on with my life and forget my whole childhood. Maybe someday I'll get amnesia and start over.
Felt good to get all that out.
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::Diary of Extraordinary Events::
The lovely diary of a psycho hyperactive chick. 8D
In other words, this diary includes roleplaying info and perhaps silly things. Maybe you'll find a unicorn! OwO'
Cro Cro
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*dancey dancey*
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Cro Cro Community Member |
Songbirdo
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Cro Cro Community Member |
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Two jobs and college at the same time, don't you think that's a little much? When you start taking away from your study time (for work) your grades will start to go down proportionately.
You're starting to sound like Pat - Octi-polarness, lol
I was wondering if your dad-issue was resolved, I guess not.
I once asked Krista this question: "If you had a brain tumor that was going to kill you, but they could take it out at the cost of all of your current memories, would you do it?" Basically, if it stays, you die but you keep your memories in the next life, if you take it out you lose your memories, but you live and can make new ones. Your answer is obvious from your second-last sentence.