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Ok, so i think i'll tell you about my life. I was born on planet earth, the best place to be born, if you wanna die! all the people there are insane and want to kill you...even my parents! (luckily i talked them out of it) We decided that this was not a suitable place to live and so my family moved to planet earth. I am currently locoated in northern america otherwise known as, where i live. I cannot give out specific information. But anyways i was 5 when we moved to "earth" and i can only remember things as far back as when i was 8. When i was 8 my family went to the zoo. There i saw a giraffe! But he bit me. I thought the blood was where the bad luck ended, but no! Later i found out that the giraffe was radio active! And after 24 hours my hand started to glow purple....So the doctor insisted that i amputate my whole left arm. Instead of him doing it though, He made me do it! what a meany! But i got over it. I never liked that giraffe...i think that hes stuck up and a baby! Gosh, do i abhore his innards! I even named him, Stupidface. Except the zoo tamer people didnt like that name and they kept insisting that "she" already had a name: Claudia. I didnt believe them though because one guy had a lazy eye and it kept staring at me strange to i figured he was trying to hide the fact that he was lying. Ya know what? He also had a beard. It was dyed red, which i thought was pretty scary. Come to think of it, he also dyed his eyebrows red. But he left his mustache the normal color of green. I dont understand why anyone would do that...There was also this other guy who was really short and his shoes were to big for his feet. I forget why he told me they were too big but he said that they were uncomfortable...Or was that larry? Oh, i must explain so you guys know who larry is. When we moved to earth from earth, our name was larry hingle-something...i cant remember the rest. He was a nice guy. But he was quite plump. And he was bald so he looked like a fat bolling pin. I told him that once and he didnt seem to like it. He said it was rude. But at that age i didnt know what rude was. Larry was really nice though even though i nicknamed him pin head and called him that all the time. Speaking of nicknames...I used to know this girl named sylvia. She didnt like her name though so she had it legally changed. She was a big girl so she didnt need to get her mommys permission. But sylvia was mean to me. she acted like she was too cool for me. Which i thought was not that nice. OooOoo ya know whats cool? Where i live there is this ice cream man who has the best frosty smoothie drinks ever! Except whenever he comes down my street and passes my house, he speeds up...Odd huh? i guess he just accidently pushes on the gas everytime he comes by my house. I like my house. Its PURE white. The only thing bad about it is that my cat, mr. puppetmaster has overactive cat bladder syndrome. Its horrible because i always end up cleaning up mr. puppetmasters messes! Mr. puppetmaster also likes to throw up and it seems that whenever i get close enough to touch 'em, 'e runs away! and then throws up. I guess i bring it on myself by always trying to hug 'em. Oh well. One time, this girl tryed to hug me and i started to freak out because i didnt know how to hug so it was my first time huggging someone and i didnt want to look like a loser! so i just stood there while she hugged me. Then she asked if i was sick. Which i sorta was because they had to cart me off to the hospital. My heart beat had slowed way down. =) I didnt know i got that scared of hugging a girl. If youve read this far, I think that its only common curteousy to tell you that i have made all of this up. Speaking of feeling sick one time i was so sick that my fever was 100 degrees! thats just crazy right? My mom was scared for my health but i just ate a tofu burger and felt MUCH better! Then my mom went out and bought bunches of tofu burgers becuase we thought that tofu burgers really did cure the common cold. Unfortunately when my cat got sick and i fed her a tofu burger (not really fed, she wouldnt eat it so i stuffed it down her throat and massed it up with her food and blended it up into liquid and then slipped it in her water) she died the next day.. *snif* What a tradgedy. Now that i think about it...I wonder what the cause of death was...could it have been old age? But no, cause she was just a baby...Oh well..I miss mr. puppetmaster. Talking about misses...last year i had a miss pumpkin for a teacher! that was her name! she wasnt married..because i didnt see a ring on her finger. i asked her where her ring was and she broke into tears and started talking about a "divorce" whatever that is...personally, i blame society. OMG! that reminds me...one time larry blamed him loosing his job on me! All I did was visit him. Just because he was doing open heart surgery, and i somehow got past everyone and into the operation room he blames it on me!? He could have at least said hi! he thought that just because he was a doctor his was all big and great! Well let me tell ya hes not that great! or big! rmember i told you he was a short guy? Well, thats all for now im audit! See what i did there? i used that foreign word to say bye instead of bye! But once my friend argued with me over the t being there...he said that the t shouldnt be ther unless i was talking about some legal paper..or somethign! i wasnt listening. i tuned him out afteer a while. speakking of tuning...i was changing to radio stations and i found one station that had a lot of dirty words and had a lot of explecitives! i thought it was very innapropriate! Well what was i saying? oh yeah well bye bye!
 the catclaw alchemist · Mon Jul 25, 2005 @ 12:40am · 6 Comments |
