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Chapter 11 (more, of course there's more!) |
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Chapter 11 I curled up on top of my bed, Johnny Voodoo spread in the middle of my lap. I've read that book a million times, and every time I do I always cry when Johnny leaves Diedra, because I could tell they were so much in love. Johnny screwed up once, and both of them ended up looseing eachother. I always read that book when I'm upset, or overwhelmed. Even if it was sad in the end, it was so loveing and careing before. I always wished I knew a guy like Johnny, someone who was just so different from everyone else. Someone dark, mysterious, handsome, kind, and creative, someone who takes forever to figure out. A while ago I thought I had found him, but there is no way I can be right about that. If I was right, I'd end up hurting the people I care about most. I have no intention of doing that, every, no matter how much my heart shatters and breaks. I am glass, easily cracked and broken, but hard in giveing in. I bend for no one, but push me too hard and I break. I sighed and closed my book, not even Johnny Voodoo could distract me now. I sat up and made my way over to my computer, then opened up Microsoft Word. When reading couldn't cure my worries writing always could. I let myself get into a zone, a haze, were time and space doesn't exist. All there is are the words appearing infront of me, and the ones filtering through my head. I began typeing, faster than usual, the words flying from my mind to my fingers, appearing on the screen infront of me. Love She sighed as she looked up at him, her body quivering in his arms. It was finally going to happen, she'd waited for two years and it was finally going to happen. There was no girlfriend or boyfriend in the way, no guilt as her head slowly lifted to meet his. This was really happening, finally, it wasn't a dream. His lips met hers and he began kissing her, slowly and sweetly at first, then the kiss intensified, sending millions of shocks through her body. One of his large hands went to the back of her head, supporting it, the other went to the small of her back as he bent over, almost double, kissing her sweetly. Her hands rose up, locking themselves around his neck as she deepened the kiss as far as she could take it. After an eternity of kissing they pulled away, breathless, and he wrapped her in his arms. "I'm sorry..so sorry...I should have seen the truth, should have seen it before I lost you the first time. I love you.." He says those magical words and her heart nearly bursts. She smiled, and finally let go, falling limp in his arms. He began sobbing her name, shakeing her gently, telling her not to leave him, not now. She couldn't help it, she was drifting further and further from the true love. Her sight was hazy as she looked up at him, a shakey arm traceing the outline of his face. "I love you too..I will forever..." For a moment she had exactly what she wanted, what she needed. For a moment she had gotten the kiss she had craved, and it had unlocked something in her, something that let everything go. For a moment..she had been happy, but the moment was gone as she began to fall away from him, into the darkness, the sound of laughter ringing through her ears as she called his name, desperate to be saved. He couldn't hear her, and she slipped away, cursed to forever be alone. I sighed and pulled away from my computer. That laughter wouldn't leave, it had haunted me the entire day, even penetrating my thoughs when I wrote. I curled up with Johnny Voodoo again and went back to the lovely romance of Johnny and Diedra. I had already read the best part, the rest of a book was a sad letdown. I groaned when I heard her comeing up the steps, moaned when I heard the door open, and cringed when she pounced on me. "SISSY! Mommy said it's time to wake up!" How could someone possibly be so perkey so early? My sister was the exact opposite of me, all light and sunshine and happiness, I was still unconvinced I was related to her. She is six and a half years younger than me, meaning when she's in seventh grade I'll be in college, FAR AWAY. Sarah had just got the concept of college, and now wouldn't stop stalking me. She "didn't want to loose her sissy", but I was kinda hopeing she'd get the whole going-away-to-college-and-never-comeing-back thing. I shoved her little body off me and put my book aside. "Alright, go tell mommy sissy's up, ok pewee?" She nodded and scampered off, and I sat up, getting ready for the day ahead. There are only two people in this world that I've encountered so far that can wake me up when I'm in a deep sleep, my mother and Sarah. My mom is short, really short, only four foot six, and she only weighs eighty two pounds. What can this woman do to wake me up you ask? She jumps on me, while I'm asleep, curled up under the covers and she pounces on me. It hasn't been that affective these days because when she pounces I roll over and she falls off the bed to one side. Naturally that wakes me up though, and I can't get back to sleep. Sarah's method is much more effective. She pesters you until you either throw something at her or give up and wake up. I usually give up, mainly because she is my sister, a pest just like me. I sighed and grabbed an old pair of jeans a few feet away, no telling how many times I've worn them. Truth be told I didn't need the wake up call, I'm usually up hours before Sarah shows up to torture me. Between the dreams and my own instincts I never get much sleep, but it doesn't really matter. I don't mind, I can function on next to no sleep. Storm jumped onto my bed the second I got up, curling up where I'd just been. That little psycho dog claimed my bed during the day, which means I spend about an hour every night brushing dog hair off my bed before I fall asleep. I sat down at my desk and dug out the new journal I had purchased down the shore about a month ago. It was beautiful, at least to me. A dark teal, it had fabric around the cover and a dark plate on the front covered in beautiful designs, it just seemed right for me. I flipped the book open and turned to the nearest clean page, then pulled out a pen and started writing. Dear Diary, Well, I leave today, nine days without my friends. I think this trip will change my life, heading to Michigan to fix up a church of all things. There will be guys, yay, and one of my favorite speakers, and of course, as many cd's as I could find to bring with me. It's youthgroup, so it won't be happy go lucky fun fun for anyone, but in all honesty youthgroup is ok. Even if I'm not the most believing person it got me to believe in God again. However, I still wear my Celtic symbol proudly, still shuffle my deck of tarot cards, still have much faith in the elements. I mean, you can't help but believe in that stuff with all that's going on, the unbelievable that we trust only with the few who are involved. I'll miss Dan so much, and Shana. I've gotten so close to them over this year, and even though I only leave for a little while I know something will happen, something that won't end well. I speak the truth when I say I'm as scared as all getout, but at least my dad's going. No matter how much I can't tell him, there is a little comfort there. At least I'll have a little protection around the church, I do believe in angels. That's all for now I guess, I'll right more later. Felicia, Maria, Kareen, Jessica, Julia, Marissa, Tanya, and of course, always and forever Nira. The pages of the journal fell closed and went into my duffle bag. I got up and went into the basement. There were still a few things I needed to pack away before I left for Michigan.
AshesToEmbers · Tue Aug 02, 2005 @ 01:58am · 0 Comments |
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