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Have you ever tried to feel into your own very being?

What have you found when doing so?

For me, The search is usual vigorous and tiring because there is not a lot of things to rummage through. It isn't fun to soar around in an empty black void as you desperately try to find what attaches you to this world. I continued to search for hours, or at least that is what I found out when I finally opened my eyes, and still had not found anything.

The next time I went to search I was not sure if I had to start from the beginning again or if I was where I had left off. Everything was still pitch black but the air felt a little more dense than before. This time I figured that the search would go smoother if I moved a bit faster. So flying through the depth of my soul I steadily traveled in the direction I believed the center of my soul was. Still yet another trip useless and failed.

(By the way this is all true)

Feeling that maybe I should spend a bit more time searching I waited for a weekend to roll around and lay myself comfortably in my bed. Glancing to my side I look at my black walls then turning to my other side I look over at my computer desk and wonder whether or not to get on Gaia or not. "Nah, not right now. " I said to myself and slide my vision to the forest of white fur I call my bedroom carpet. Like always nothing new to grab my attention and now not even friends who yell up the stairs to get my a** on a roll and go hang out with them.

Now on my back I stare at my ceiling and slowly close my eyes. The search once again begins and this time I decide to spend as much time as needed. Foating around in what is supposed to be my being I realize that the air around me had gotten relatively colder and soon after I slam into what I thought to be a brick wall. No, it was my center. The very thing my entire life force revolved around. I could not see what I floated into but it was freezing cold. At first I did not notice but it surround something at its center. Squinting in the dark to see it I realized it was a small orb that seemed an entirely different kind of darkness than what I float and flew through to find this place. It sent waves of loneliness through my body from a distance and the cold surrounded me almost instantly. I pulled out of my mind in panic and sat up to the morning of two days after I had slept.


My twin brother had come to visit when I was in my deep sleep and freaked out but my mother and father did not worry. They simply let me sleep and sent my brother back to his guardian, of whom is my aunt. Since then I have not been able to feel the warmth of life within me. Why?