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poem a poem i wrote Darkness I look in you eyes And darkness I see It looks like you want… To kill me Maybe you do Or don’t I’ll never know Your personality goes from Happiness to Darkness We all love you but Darkness has taken over your body We’re scared of Darkness We betray you The darkness is mad Run Run As fast as you can Hide Hide As best as you can Guess who it is Darkness

Posted by: Music L U V U R Sun Apr 13, 2008 @ 09:46pm

User Comments: [2]

xxSoulEmbracedDeathxx
Community Member

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Mon Apr 28, 2008 @ 03:49am

I wil ask again: WHY DO YOU POEMS RELATE TO ME?!!!!!!!!!

iShmoo
Community Member

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Sun Nov 16, 2008 @ 06:27pm

o... Just no.... It's not bad, but it's not good either. This, to me, is your shrivel of hope. You can do better, overlooking this one.
"Darkness"
'I look in you eyes
And darkness I see
It looks like you want…
To kill me
Maybe you do
Or don’t
I’ll never know'
It's not the person who wants to kill you, it's the "Darkness". And with your style of writing, it is a VERY BAD NO-NO to rhyme. Don't use punctuation like that. It's nearly impossible to add a sense of suspense to poetry. Try this...
"Darkness"
'I look into your eyes
Darkness floods them.
It gives me a sense of
A dying wish to threaten
My life.
Maybe it's in my
Mind
Or perhaps it's true.
But who am I to know?'
It's not great, but it's better than the boring words you inserted. Poetry is about creativity, it's not JUST expressing yourself, though that does play a huge role.
And please, my criticism is not a form of me throwing you down, this is how you learn.

User Comments: [2]

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