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What am I trying to fool myself to believe?
Other than I am okay,
at least that is what I want people to perceive.
Me acting happy is really denial.
I let people believe I am okay by putting on few fake smiles.
My outside is held together with my thoughts and dreams.
Yet my insides are broken, at least that's the way it seems.
I'm tired of the constant lying.
And I don't know if it is possible for me to stop trying.
I never thought it would be possible for me to love someone this way.
I never imagined being deceived not once,
but twice and still wanting to stay.
My heart is breaking, forget that it's broken.
Too many thoughts but yet not enough words spoken.
Nothing seems to make sense anymore.
And finally when I think I have hit bottom, I'm still not on the floor.
I'm trying to get up but I don't see a hand.
My happiness is the only thing that if possible I would demand.
I want someone to love me the way I love you.
But I don't know if that's possible because for true love it takes two.
I never loved you for any of the wrong reasons.
But still my heart is broke and left with several lesions.
I thought that my love was enough.
But obviously the distance was more than expected,
it was definitely too rough.
I still don't understand why you were falling in love
with someone else but still holding on to me?
Why couldn't you just tell me the truth and just let me be?
Now I feel like my love for you is totally out of my control.
Somehow my love for you has taken complete control
of my mind, body and soul.
I never imagined any of this.
I now feel like I am on a game show and I am the one being dismissed.
I keep telling myself to just let go.
But somehow something in me keeps telling me NO.
How come my mind is running a million miles an hour
but yet I am still in the same spot?
I guess I am stuck in my own thoughts.
I just need to look at the whole picture and stop with all the contemplation.
I am just scared of what I might really see, I'm scared of my self realization.