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Jared's Greatest Moments
These are, in my opinion some of the dumbest, randomest things Jared the petty thief has ever said! Most of it's just Sh*t, so don't expect many laughs!
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BEGIN!!!
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After being injected with T-Virus:
"I ain't no zombie!" Jared screams, going crazy and running around in circles. "ANTIDOTE NOW!! It's my firm belief," he adds, snarling. "That you're to be taken out!" He attempts to stab doom in the eye with a pen.
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Doom looks at him. "No, I have been filled with over 20 pounds of T-virus and I'm going to be destroyed by a monster!" cry still out side hitting the monsters skull in
"Oooooh." Jared says. "Is T-virus valuable?"
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Upon being greeted:
"MORE ALCOHOL!" Jared yells at reme.
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Drunken Goodness
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Jared gets a bit drunk.
"YOU'RE FIT FOR DUTY!" He yells, at no-one.
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While having a magic Ice-Wall attack thrown at him:
Jared, unfortunately, is slightly drunk. He takes another sip of vodka.
"This is your fault!" he snarls, gesturing at the bottle. "If you didn't keep shape shifting..." Then he says the ice wall coming towards him. "Oh... I guess my a** is doomed!" he grins, drinking again. He throws the bottled into the grounds, smashing it and lights a match.
"Hang on to your ears, my child!" he says, drunkenly thinking he is about to set off a bomb. "OR YOU'LL BE ENJOYING THE VIEW FROM THE TOP OF THE MOON!!" He throws the match into the vodka where it buirns for a few minutes then goes out. Jared stares for a while.
"Sh*t."
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Cry jumps out of the ground right infront of Jared
"Time for you to go to hell..."
He throws off his own face and fire shows inside of his eyes.
Jared looks at him, with the empty bottle of vodka swinging. He is drunk. "Don't worry! Fire brigade!" he tells Cry. He pours more vodka in cry's eyes to try and put it out. He runs in cirlces making siren noises.
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While a girl plays on his kleptomaniac nature:
Fuzzy smiled as she turned into her cat form and jumped towards him, then changed back and smiled as she held a paperclip out in front of him.
Jared stares at the paperclip as if it is some sort of miracle happening. He attempts to take it from her.
"Paperclip, paperclip. Does whatever a paperclip does. Can it batter, thrash or punch? No it can't. It can only clip," he mumbles to himself, smiling dreamily.
she giggled a bit as she stood up and held the paperclip over his head and smiled "Ah, you like paper clips eh, well then" she said as she started to walk away, still keeping it in his view
Jared follows her, in true golden retriever style with a dreamy face on.
"I've always wanted to meet someone like you," he confides to the paperclip, lovingly.
Where is she taking me? He wonders.
"Ah, this shall be very fun" she said as she walked up to the roof and into her room, making him follow she smiled as she pointed up at the roof and smiled "Ah, I want to see this" she said as she sat down in a chair and waited, there were about one hundred paperclips hanging from the ceiling
Jared skips ((lol)) into the room and collapses, laughing on the floor. He starts to act like a were wolf, trying to rip the paperclips out with his teeth. He sees fuzzy and shuffles up to her.
"Ruff, ruff!" he explains in dog fashion. I'm a dog! Ha, ha! he thinks. He moon walks ((double llol)) to the centre of the room and does a dance.
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Randomly Attacking Someone: (While drunk... again.)
Jared manages to get his hands on a chainsaw. He revs it up and charges at her.
She steps gracefully to the side as the drunk stumbles and falls. She smiles at him. "Well it's official you are completely useless. Hope you have a miserable life...."She kicked him and disappeared in the shadows.
"Drunk, you say! You insult my spiritual honour!" he says, crossing himself several times, before chainsawing the wall she disappeared into.
She reappeared in her room laughing to herself. "A religious drunk, and I thought I had seen everything."
"Ah!" Jared says, cunningly. He takes a hat from a shelf and places it the wrong way on his head. "That's to confuse the enemy," he whispers to Kiku, slyly. Then he throws it at her, singing "Oh lord, father of mankind" as loud as he can. He gets hold of a banjo and plays frantically.
She laughs so hard she almost cries. "Honey, save your breath. Come talk to me when your sober."
"My breath! It must be saved!" he yells. "Compa-a-any, on knees for prayer!" he roars, under the belief he is on the parde ground. He takes out his russian helmet and presses it solemnly to his chest. "Our father, Jod almighty above." he jabbers, weeping. "Please find it in your mercy, to grant my breath safe passage to Valhalla. We also ask that you curse this thing," he adds, glaring at Kiku, "To permanent execution by firing squad. AMEN!" He gets up crosses himself and then collapses.
"I'm dead!" he howls.
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Paying respect to a dead body:
Jared, who once was a religous fanatic, takes off his ski mask like it was his hat in respect for the dead. He kneels on one knee and says a prayer for Rizer.
"Oh, lord," he begins, "I ask that you find it in your infinite mercy to grant this poor soul access to valhalla. I also ask that you fill his body with many calories for his bacteria to eat as he decomposes on the floor. Amen."
He crosses himself and then loots Rizer's pockets.
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THE END
 Blur_Persona · Thu May 15, 2008 @ 06:30pm · 1 Comments |
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