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In all honesty. I absolutely hate myself and whats happened to me and what I cause to happen. I think about things and realize they won't ever come true. Because I'm scared. I'm scared of what may become of it. I don't know if I'll be happy or if it will further cause destruction of myself. I realize I'm not a perfect person and no one is. So why do I feel like I'm the only ******** up that I see? I meet so many people and see so many things. I want to start over and wipe my slate clean, but I know that will never happen. All because of myself. My stupid,lazy, idiotic self. I wish I could go to sleep and live in my dreams. Just float off to my place and stay there. I've been given so many things and I've pissed them all away. I feel like I'm just rambling here. I realize how much I fail at everything, even life itself. I'm just a total loser. A failure. A waste of life. Hell, I'd even kill myself if I could, But my fear of not knowing whats the other side is what stops me. If I knew it was what I wanted, then yes, I would be completely selfish and take my life to where I want it to be. I'm just stupid. I'm just one big ******** idiot! I can't rationalize what's reality or fantasy anymore. No, I won't make any threats of taking my life. Though I highly feel like I should. I shouldn't be here to waste precious life anymore. If anyone actually took the time to read this, I'm sorry I wasted you're time with this idiotic crap.