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Well, this is the end. This will be my last journal entry. I don't know when it will happen, so I decided to take the precaution of posting this before I die. Then again, it would be hard to post after I die.
This isn't the way I would have liked it to end. My life would've been fulfilled if I had lived to see my children grow up, and have children of their own. To have gone to university, had a real job and my own house... Married the man I love... I would've been so much happier had I met all my friends from online as well. And damn, a few times I came close. Maybe if it weren't for my lousy sense of direction, I would've met some of you. But you know... My life was so much happier as it is, having known all the wonderful people that I met over the internet. Some more than others. I love every one of my friends, though, and I SO wish I could've really been there for you when you confided in me. Been there to hold you, and tell you everything was alright. Tell you that I still loved you even if it seemed like the world didn't, comforted you as best I could. Then we would've gone and ate a bunch of ice cream and shot the bastards who made you feel bad in the first place. You listened to me, too. I'm a whiney cry-baby, I know that. But I have so many good friends who listened to me the way I listened to them. We all had a lot of laughs, and good times, too. And I hope you all remember those times a lot more than the times that we were sad, and the short time leading up to my death. Don't remember that depressing crap. I hope I've affected some of you, the way you affected me. I hope I've cheered you up, made you smile, made you realize that you can do anything, you just need a little push. I've been there for you in sickness and health, for rich or for poor, for better or worse. And now... Death parts us. But not for good. I'll still be watching over you. Making sure you don't end up in the same BS situations that I did. You might not be able to see me, but I'll be there. Sittin' up on my cloud, destroying my fingernails as is my bad habit (while writing this I wrecked my left thumb nail and index fingernail with my teeth), watching you all carry on with your lives. I'll still be listening if you need to talk to me, and I'll share your happiness and your pain with you. And hey, when you join me up there, I'll show you around. Show you the ropes of being dead. Because, with any kind of luck, I'll be dead long before any of you. LONG before. I don't wanna hear of any suicides. Or I will beat you. This isn't the end of me. This is the beginning, I suppose. Or something philosophical like that. The beginning of the end is too cliché. All I want is that you don't forget about me. Think of me whenever you see a lamb, or sexy clothes, or awesome electric guitars, somebody snowboarding, beautiful music, ballet dancers, or someone falling down stairs. That's me. I love you.
Koware-Yasui · Thu Aug 28, 2008 @ 07:11am · 1 Comments |
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