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Hockey FruitKake: once upon a time in a land far far away...
there was this toilet. a mystical and magical toilet that gave advice while people sat and took a dump
GCP548 : awesome
so one day this one knight named SIR GEORGE decides that he needs advice because he's trying to gain the affections of this one princess... UNNAMED. but he doesn't want to go take a dump on a talking toilet
and so he decides to just drop some food into the toilet and hope that it won't notice the difference. but of course the toilet notices and becomes clogged due to the unprocessed and solid food. the townspeople are angry at Sir George and run amok and pillage their own town (not too smart). they grow angrier as they discover their destroying their own property
thus Sir George flees the town and searches for some incredible feat to complete to gain back his reputation... because people have been going around saying he clogged the toilet
he goes to the town bazaar and this old crone sells him a carpet telling him it will fly... and since he heard the aladdin story he decides to buy it. he decides to try it off the roof and sadly the old lady jipped him and he falls and lands on MAID MICHELLE
who is like "whoa it's raining men"
she turns out to be a sorceress with the dress with the fun billowy sleeves. and says she'll enchant a carpet for him
Sir George, trying to be debonair, (and because he's a lazy bum and a male) says "why don't you conjure up my reputation and then it'll be all good"
Maid Michelle looks at him with a withering glance and says "don't push your luck or i'll turn you gay"
Sir George, being a man, wrongly decides to challege Maid Michelle and retorts with "i'd like to see you try"
Thus, Maid Michelle snaps her fingers and says "It is done".Sir George is suddenly and instantly transformed into the epitome of the gay man. Complete with designer Prada shoes. And a Louis Vuitton purse. His voice is pitched up several notches and he begins to scream once he realizes she has turned him into a gay man"
of course... Maid Michelle is laughing hysterically and Lady Yasemin shows up randomly and decides this is a Kodak moment and takes lots of pictures. Maid Michelle agrees to turn Sir George (Queen George?) back to a regular macho man if he completes 3 tasks... one of which is to go make Scott the Man's life miserable. Maid Michelle generously allows Lady Yasemin to come up with a task and she decides that Queen George must bring to them the one named Mike... whom everyone seems to hate.
the 3rd task was yet to be decided (but of course, as per standard storytelling rule # 47, it would be the most difficult)
thus Sir/Queen George went off to go make Scott's life miserable
he began by befriending all the girls in Scott's Black Book and spreading a rumor that Scott was a eunuch. and since these words came from a gay man, they believed. then Sir George went collected all the alcohol in that part of the world and burned it and thus ruined scott's plans of drink. finally, he went and sprayed mace in scott's pants... which would prove to be a nasty surprise
Maid Michelle and Lady Yasemin are extremely happy...and can't wait for the second mission to be complete
Sir George is slightly hesitant since Michael is his friend... but he wants to be straight again. thus he goes over to Michael's shack. Michael opens the door and Sir George screams again because Michael has turned into a fat ugly ogre and since Sir George is gay, he reacts violently when he sees fat and ugly and clashing colors and various other fashion police tickets but that's besides the point. but Michael the Ogre is too distraught to notice. he has again been blown off by Princess Monica... something Maid Michelle and Lady Yasemin find hilarious. thus Sir George says that he will make Michael the Ogre feel better by bringing him cruising around the countryside looking for hot girls. Michael the Ogre, being a virile yet dependent ogre, accepts. Sir George is paranoid and thus calls for his friend Danish the Dane to go with them. somehow they acquire Alex's escalade gone bmw and go cruising to the "Spec" where they proceed to be really lame and drive around the hitching posts and not go anywhere
Danish the Dane gets very bored with Michael the Ogre who was talking on the phone with Maid Marian (not to be confused with the one in Robin Hood) and thus decides this is lame and leaves to go find Princess Pooja. Sir George is once again stuck with Michael the Ogre and calls Maid Michelle and Lady Yasemin who arrive by enchanted flying penguins. Maid Michelle casts a Glutton spell and Michael the Ogre falls asleep. they move him to her laboratory where she turns him into a man and then turns him gay just for laughs. they set him free and he is trapped in the body of a gay man
the 3rd task was the most difficult(of course)
the task was to figure out what the task was and then complete it by midnight (the magical hour where everything erases ... as per storytelling rule # 94)Maid Michelle and Lady Yasemin go off to go do their girl activities... which included shopping and going to get their hair done
Sir George lamented at his seemingly inevitable gay state. when suddenly he connected the dots in his mind and commenced to work quickly and accurately... hacking his way into the computer systems of the future to get himself, Maid Michelle, and Lady Yasemin out of the evils of going to high school.
Maid Michelle and Lady Yasemin arrive decked out in dresses and glass slippers which are magical and do not hurt one's feet like normal dance footwear do (standard ball gown wear ... storytelling rule # 3).Maid Michelle returns Sir George to his straight state and they all go to the ball.
She disappears as does Lady Yasemin and Sir George forgets since he is having too much fun dancing with the ladies and being straight again. he remembers that he's been jipped since Maid Michelle gave him no magic carpet to redeem his reputation and did not give him his reputation back... angered at her and his own gullibility, he storms out to the terrace
where he runs into a mystery woman dressed in red, whose face is hidden by a mask. he is intrigued and interested and goes to find out who she is
...of course she remains mysterious and aloof
she disappears and later returns and appears in the rose garden... this time dressed in blue. Sir George is puzzled and demands to know who she is. She flees and leaves a glass slipper behind. Sir George, remembering Cinderella picks up the slipper... but since he is straight again and not gay, he clumsily drops it and it shatters.
he hangs around and girls mill about clinging to him. wanting to dance (and do more?? but that's not in storytelling as per guideline # 12 because stories are for small kids who are not corrupt) but he is interested only for Standard Mystery Woman. thus he waits and watches carefully from behind a curtain
she appears once more in the rose garden and picks a rose
he quickly dashes out, forgets the terrace and loses his balance, falling into the roses = pain and lots of thorns. exspecaly around the butt. Mystery Woman laughs and approaches him. This time in a dress of bottle green with a black cloack with silver lining. his ego is bruised and his skin pricked and poked by the brambles and thorns. As she helps him out of the rose bushes and tends to his minor (though painful) cuts, he talks to her about her home. she is vague and her answers don't make sense.
suddenly, a booming voice from the heavens yells "take off her mask, you moron!"and Sir George mistakes this for the voice of God... when really it was Lady Yasemin on a microphone much like that in Wizard of Oz
he quickly rips off the mask and is shocked to see. Maid Michelle! who laughs and pulls out a magic carpet from the depths of her cloakand says "you forgot your carpet"
He is shocked and laughs and is shocked some more
she gets up and floats (girls are graceful = float in fairy tales = storytelling rule # 390 away and he thinks he is in a dream and thus proceeds to pinch himself. The booming voice returns and says "YOU IDIOT DON'T LET HER GET AWAY!!!"
Sir George regains his senses and hops on the magic carpet and flies to her side
"... wanna go see the world?"
"i've seen it. thanks" she replies, "boys suck"
he acquires a slick and debonair james bond manner and says, "you've never seen it with me. and i don't suck."
she says "dream on" and he says "okay. this is my dream and i'm stealing you"he grabs her and kidnaps her with him to go see A Whole New World
and they live dysfunctionally ever after.
Fin razz
 Gumi-chan · Wed Nov 10, 2004 @ 07:27am · 0 Comments |
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