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Ever since my cousin died, I've been in a very bad emotional state. I try not to think about his death, but something seems to always remind me of it, and then i get really sad and i start crying. But it sux cuz I have to pull myself together cuz I don't want my mom to see. I can't talk to her about my feelings. She doesn't understand, and I don't think she really wants to. Last week on Grey's Anantomy this girl was brain dead, and that's what happened to my cousin, so it brought up a lot of emotions. I don't ever want to go to another funeral. It's too hard. I at least don't want to see the dead person. That's what makes me soo emotional. Everytime I think of my cousin, I think of him in that coffin. I need to stop writing now, cuz I'm starting to cry again crying

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