eh...this won't make me feel any better I'm sure but I guess I'll write since things have changed since the last time I updated....ok..I guess I'll start with events of today...2nd period started monlouges haven't went yet...3rd talked collected books..4th study guide...got a headache..5th Lunch almost went off on people still felt like crying...5th advisory..I attempted something new and went and sat with some friends instead of sitting alone the whole period...6th...did a paper didn't tell me I was timed so I got pissed when she told us to switch and I wasn't done...can't stand sitting next to the guy I sit next to...hes creppy, he think hes so smart then he acts as if he could kick someones a**...hes always staring in places but alot of the time at me...7th...foot still hurts so I limped around the track...again (I'll explain)..8th..boring..finished comic and the two ADs....e-mailed my love..... crying ....yeah then limped home...oh well the party I went to on sunday was fun...only a few problems though...got hurt before it, not enough dance music...and drama happened...ok so for my foot..before the party thats what I hurt...my friend was picking friends up and since like usual seating wasn't planned.. I helped them get the seat down so they can get in back and when i went to go back to my seat I hit the metal part of the car where the seat moves back and forth..and I scraped up my foot and its bruised...therefore its coverd in anti-biotics covered with a band-aid and wrapped...can't put tennis shoes on without hurting myself...so I'm walking around with one sock in slippers...but I'm pretty sure thats not why I'm depressed...ok so I'm always tired, I have to make sure two monologues are memorized and I have to have my speech ready for tomorrow and I keep getting these random acts of pain and I miss my love and...and... crying I just want to ******** cry...I seriously can't take it anymore...its freaking cold as hell, the car is a piece of crap I feel like passing out sometimes...I'm constantly eating something...I have no life...my emotions are out of control...I'm too depressed for school....even now...I just feel like looking my room and crawling into bed and never coming out...what if I have another break down...what if I break my promise...what if I break my promise and it gets really really bad and I actually end up in a hospital or something this time....damnit I said I wasn't going to get stressed but me friend said that I'm easily/always stressed....I can't stand family...especially my brother.... crying crying crying I just want it all to go away......and I feel like I'm loseing people or they're drifting away...I also feel too clingy...but I guess thats how I get when I get that feeling about people close to me.....-sigh-....oh well....don't worry I won't kill myself...I won't get close to it...its not something I do...the worse I'd do is hurt myself...and I already do that internally....no killing...no self-mutilation....nothing.... Done~ heart
XxTheLoveCrowxX · Wed Dec 10, 2008 @ 01:20am · 0 Comments |