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My Story




I guess i will just have to tell you from the start.

My first relationship was a mistake. Cause i should of never went out with him cause i like his bestfriend not him and I just didn't want to be alone anymore. The relation ship never got anywhere We broke up over the summer cause he was moveing.

The next year in school i discovered that i was developing fellings for the same sex. She was my first girl relationship and she stole my frist kiss. I was inlove but she was mentaly ill and i guess i could not handle it I broke up with her. Then I got back with her again cause out of sympathy and I missed her in away. Then she was taken away from me and then the summer stated again with her in the metal hospitale. I missed her

My 8th grade year is when she came back and i was very lonely and i was 'inlove' with an a*****e that really ment nothing to me. I tried to get back with her for the 3rd time. It failed. She got me introuble for giveing me a razorblade in school and my mom forbid me to see her again. Then she started to hate me.

Summer of my 8th grade year I started talking to this guy from new york he liked me alot even know he had never seen me irl. He said he didn't care and he wanted to be with me and I was lonely. He was 4 years older then me and he lived far away. I would of said yes and stayed with him if he lived here. I asked him out he said yes but i was so scared cause if my mom found out i would be just like my sister and I didn't want to be like my sister. Uh.. This brings tears to my eyes when i talk about him i hope he moved on. I broke up with him two days later and i shattered his heart into pices. I cryed... even know he didn't show anything.... I remember talk on the phone with him after i broke up with him he said. "Im sad now that im lonely again." I cryed myself to sleep.

We grew apart he stoped calling. Its very painfull to even say his name now. I started highschool this year and I've been in search for a relationship but i've been very unsucessful cause i start likeing the guys that like someone else. So I hurry up and crush my hopes so they dont get crushed.

And now i think i like this guy. He is not all they way out of not being able to date him cause he is single and shows some interest in me but i lie to my self and say its only lust cause im just like that ,but i know its not cause im very wierd like that and he is just at my finger tips. I cant do anything about it cause I dont know how to reel him into likeing me too. SO im confused, and to top it off i have a very low selfastem but who dosen't now days. THough i think mine is pretty bad cause I hate myself and i dont care to find anyway to make my stop hateing me. Even know when there is so many people around me Im dead on the inside and i cant do anything. Its like i dont care to help myself anymore. Its pittiful and I still dont care....

I just dont care about myself i guess..