View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

You try to find other ways to amuse yourself such as cooking for a birthday or some s**t
AT THIS VERY MOMENT!
I'm sitting in my kitchen home alone, In nothing but a tanktop and red leopard print short shorts that barely cover my a**... oh yea and a beanie razz
I'm waiting on my cakes to bake
Its My best friends birthday tomorrow and I always make her a cake every year cause I love her.

How's life?
Well, here are some updates
Alex is fully out of my life now and thinking bout it, it blows my mind that i truly cared for this person but s**t just didn't work out at all between us. So we went our separate ways, and I can't say I didn't try. Which I did, I tried very hard to work it out. Now, I haven't heard from him in a very long time and I have already moved on since then.... I'll get to that in a sec.

Family... Don't even get my started my Step dad sucks.. He's been seriously getting on my last ******** nerve. I'm just so tired of the s**t around this house and You can tell by this post on facebook....

"Some days I just want to run as far as i can away from here. Just so I can stop the screaming and fight over me. What i should do what i should have done, what i should be doing now, Why i don't have a job, why i dress this way, why i act this way, why i am here, why i can never do anything right. Some times I'm just so tired of being beat down. I really do try to slap a smile on my face and continue to eat the s**t that is thrown at me by these people. You don't think i feel bad about all of that? You dont think that i haven't tried to fix everything. All you do is b***h about me. Not even once have a heard a positive comment from you. Some times I just want to say ******** it and drop out of high school and leave texas and say "******** you guys I dont need you". But I suck it up and i do what im told cause that's what i was raised to do. And thats what i do. So forgive me when i try to find comfort in my chaotic life. Sometimes I just need a break from everything. You don't know me, You don't know my Life. I know you say you want whats best for me but you didn't raise me. You didn't have to live in that house with that person. Two kids starving. A dad in distraught... You yell at her and talk behind her back like she was the weak one. That she is weak and she is doing this and that she is doing that. I wish I was her. I dont blame her for not coming back or why she moved out in the first place. I'm the one with the tougher skin, but after 18 years I dont know if i can honestly take it anymore. All the fighting and arguing is killing me. I can feel it in the pit of my chest. I can feel in in the rage of my soul. But I keep pushing and I keep fighting cause I'm not giving up. I just know as soon as i can achieve what i need to achieve I will be out of your life and you can go back to your two person house. And leave me out of your picture. Cause when I'm gone, you'll be left with him."

I'll be out of here soo hopefully

Anyways, I have a new love interest if you could call it that. It's rather interesting and Hopefully everything will be falling in place soon with it. I have plans this weekend with him and just maybe something may happen or may not but that is life. Hes a really nice guy, and it blew some of my friends mind that I like him. Ya know, I'm not that shallow, I like people for what i see on the inside of them. And His personality is smashing, this time if anything does happen, I dont want to move to fast. I dont want to rush things. I wanna take it slow.. just I want him to ask me out already but evs lol. Anyways, I promise to take it nice and slow with this guy for once since im sure he likes me or has some sorta interest. Maybe, JUST maybe this will be a good move on my part. :3 I'm hopeing.
,
Oh Yea, this guy is younger then me... razz Well good sir, he doesn't look younger if that counts. ON top of this He's a big reader and I LOVE TO READ. As proven cause I've already read one of the books he suggested to me, Two days and I was done with it. He's funny, Nice, Sweet, And I love his smile.

More Information