Well then... I hope you all are happy. After months on end my journal has been unviewable, making this the first viewable entry since probably early September. I was going through my own s**t and needed some space, but right now I'm starting to not care whether or not you all read this again. If you get annoyed with all my ranting, then excuse me and my own ******** up life issues. You all can ignore me for all I care, but I have to admit I was surprised. After making my journal unviewable there was probably only one person who bugged me about, but if it hadn't been for the stubborness of this one person then I really wouldn't of bothered reopening my journal to be read. I made it restricted to friends so I didn't have people I don't even know coming and telling me to "be happy," and I certainly didn't want to annoy or depress my friends either.
Gah. Forget it.
So... there you are, I don't know how many entries exactly I've made within these few months, but good luck catching up.
.....
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As for today, things shifted for me. At first I woke up in high spirits, I even was offered the chance to stay home with Amanda since she was sick, but I had a test today so I passed it up. Everyone had their own thing to say about my black hair, others not even noticing, but I was still zoning a lot throughout today. I nearly fell asleep in Algebra like I usually do, but eventually I started laughing at the idiot that sits across the room from me, he was falling alseep while leaning against his arm, which made him bobble back and forth and come close to smacking himself on his desk. Haha... god that was precious.
I woke up like I usually always do in third block for lunch, Daniel(different one) and me fighting and throwing salt back and forth near the end. Tabi and me had our own fun though, laughed our asses off when this one freshmen girl came up to us and kept doing the "Oh I just love you... you goths! I really admire you... oh and I like your outfit." God that girl was so preppy, and me and Tabi were cracking up by then, but she only continued. "There's this one guy sitting by me that was checking you guys out. Said you both had nice asses." At that moment Tabi and me couldn't take it anymore, after we looked around the corner and saw who it was we just about died of laughter. It's the brother of this chick I know in PE, she once said that he has a crush on me, but this was just... wow. Heh, anyway, as fun as that was lunch soon came to an end and I left with Daniel, Tabi, and Heather to study block for SOL Math tutoring like I have been doing. I don't really get tutored persay, but I always have fun being there and the teachers let us get away with everything.
..... Okay now for the shitty part...
I was walking to my fourth block when I ran into Shuichi and he accused me of telling friends of mine that we were going out. My eyes got big and I got defensive, but I was so nervous about it I didn't tell him everything. Over the past few weeks friends of mine have been noticing how I cling to him the way I do, and it was then that they started questioning me. They asked if I was with him or if we were going out, but at first I was so embarrassed and confused about it I just simply shrugged my shoulders or gave them a weird look and turned away. Eventually they became impatient and asked me again, only this time had someone else ask me for them. I had become annoyed by it, so finally I just mumbled "Not really..." or "I don't know.." and they just gave me a nudge and whatnot. I'm still confused about all this, but the fact that he got edgey today about it got me somewhat depressed and wondering all over again if he still likes me at all.
Bah..
Today after school it was raining for the first time in a while... I was really happy about it, but still depressed on the outside, so I stalked out of the school and towards the parking lot. Beth had ditched me and I had no hope of a ride from any friends, same goes for my mom or Craig who didn't show up, so I just shrugged it off and walked home in the pouring rain. It's been so long since I've done it...
I was freezing by the time I had really gotten into the Salem neighborhood, my hair was drenched as well as my clothes and bag, and from a reflection I saw that my eyeliner was running and my face was losing it's color and starting to get red at places. o.o ........Well .. I got home anyway and now my clothes are in the drier, new ones are on and I'm feeling somewhat better. Just tired.
Guess this means I'm done. Mmkay then.
.p a n i c. · Mon Oct 24, 2005 @ 10:04pm · 2 Comments |