I love that song, especially when GIR dances to it. hence how i found it in the first place on LimeWire, w00t!
Well, my journal entry is entitled that b/c the one boy i thought wouldnt give a s**t if i died or not kept me from committing suicide. I seriously was going to do it too, thursday. But I am alive and kicking, how you may ask? did the tie break or what?
well, thanks to one i shall refer to as J, i did not. he kept me from killing myself and i am eternally grateful for it. here is the IM-
Note before i begin, i would prefer if people did not IM the people mentioned int his convo unless you know them, thanks!
yoJtathaV: WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Auto response from DalbyReed: being very depressed in a corner somewhere with a knife. if anyone cares.
yoJtathaV: AHH
yoJtathaV: STOP
DalbyReed: who are you?
yoJtathaV: jack
yoJtathaV: ignore the sn
DalbyReed: done.
yoJtathaV: whyd you block me
DalbyReed: same reaosn i blocked noah and taylor and nora and emily
DalbyReed: anyone close i blocked.
yoJtathaV: why?
yoJtathaV: we're your friends
DalbyReed: b/c im in a horrible mood
yoJtathaV: and your friends can help
DalbyReed: and crying and i dont want to sick myself on anyone i care about for fear theyll hate me
yoJtathaV: i wont hate you
DalbyReed: yeah right
yoJtathaV: and i dont think noah will hate you either
DalbyReed: hes spewing psychobable about how not to kill myself at the moment
yoJtathaV: hmm
yoJtathaV: well, you should prolly listen to some of his advice
yoJtathaV: he unblocked me
yoJtathaV: for the moment
yoJtathaV: he said he was concerned
DalbyReed: that is surprising
DalbyReed: what??
yoJtathaV: he cares
DalbyReed: he said hes an energizer bunny of love
yoJtathaV: haha
DalbyReed: golfcamp65: dalby, even if those words don't hurt you, they hurt me, and i don't want you to say those things, i have tried dalby ever since i met you to be your friend to drag you from the edge and now as a saving grace to me i want you to promise that as long as i am in highschool you will NEVER attempt suicide.
yoJtathaV: he needs to learn how to be a friend, not a counselor
yoJtathaV: but thats how he shows how he cares
DalbyReed: golfcamp65: DALBY I WANT TO CRY RIGHT NOW AND IF I WAS WITH YOU I WOULD! you're not doing yourself any favors by cutting off the world.
yoJtathaV: he actually said he was crying
DalbyReed: yeah
yoJtathaV: you need to unblock all your friends
DalbyReed: why?
yoJtathaV: i mean, when he unblocked me he said "im crying right now"
yoJtathaV: because
DalbyReed: they have their own problems to deal with, they dont need me to add to it
yoJtathaV: you can talk to your friends
yoJtathaV: you can talk to them
yoJtathaV: help each other out
DalbyReed: hah
DalbyReed: i cant do anything
DalbyReed: let alone help them
yoJtathaV: you can just talk
DalbyReed: theres no point in even trying anymore.
yoJtathaV: talk about school and life and stuff
yoJtathaV: YES THERE IS
DalbyReed: no there isnt
yoJtathaV: why do you think there's not?
DalbyReed: b/c
DalbyReed: everything is hopeless and spinning downhill in an endless torture cycle known as life
yoJtathaV: you can stop the spinning
yoJtathaV: you can stop the torture
DalbyReed: it is fun for those watching, but for those in it the deepest all they want is to get out
yoJtathaV: yeah, and you can get out, and be better
DalbyReed: by get out i mean get killed/
yoJtathaV: you can find another way to get out
yoJtathaV: theres a better option
DalbyReed: like what?
DalbyReed: i hate everything
DalbyReed: i wanna curl up and die
yoJtathaV: you cant hate everything
yoJtathaV: you cant seriously believe that
yoJtathaV: you have friends
yoJtathaV: you're smart
yoJtathaV: you live in america
yoJtathaV: you're going to a good school
yoJtathaV: your friends like you
yoJtathaV: your friends want to help you
yoJtathaV: i dont want to see you hurt yourself
yoJtathaV: neither does anybody else
DalbyReed: ....fine.
DalbyReed: great and now my mom is yelling at me ill fail biology too if i dont study another 2 hours
DalbyReed: isnt my life just grand?
DalbyReed: i might just not tak to anyone all day tomorow
yoJtathaV: everyone has to study
DalbyReed: ...
yoJtathaV: you're not alone
Auto response from DalbyReed: being very depressed in a corner somewhere with a knife. if anyone cares.
DalbyReed: how ami not alone?
yoJtathaV: FRIENDS
DalbyReed: ive always been alone, i always will
DalbyReed: haha
DalbyReed: yeah
yoJtathaV: no you wont
DalbyReed: like remember lara?
yoJtathaV: no
yoJtathaV: mr hartman cares
yoJtathaV: people care
DalbyReed: well, we were best friends until 8th grade, ive known her for 8 year, the one person who knows me best hates me.
DalbyReed: that sure says something
yoJtathaV: i was friends with kids a while ago, but we've stopped
yoJtathaV: i dont talk to them anymore
yoJtathaV: and she's not your only friend
DalbyReed: well, do they hate you?
DalbyReed: spread lies about you
yoJtathaV: dalby
yoJtathaV: she was one person
yoJtathaV: YOU HAVE FREINDS
yoJtathaV: I AM YOUR FRIEND
DalbyReed: ..
yoJtathaV: NOAH IS YOUR FRIEND
yoJtathaV: YOUR FRIENDS CARE ABOUT YOU
yoJtathaV: they care if you hurt yourself
DalbyReed: all i do is make my friends sad
DalbyReed: i shouldnt even be their friends
DalbyReed: im just a waste of time
yoJtathaV: its a dual friendship
yoJtathaV: they want to be friends with you
yoJtathaV: you're unique, you're not like everyone else, your friends like taht
yoJtathaV: they like you for who you are
DalbyReed: i dopnt deserve them
DalbyReed: i cant be there for them
DalbyReed: i left jessie crying last week, i didnt know what was wrong
DalbyReed: i had to leave her in the clinic
yoJtathaV: THEY STILL WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND
DalbyReed: i feel horrible about that
DalbyReed: WHY THOUGH?!?!
DalbyReed: IM A WASTE
DalbyReed: YOU DONT GET IT JACK!
yoJtathaV: NO YOU"RE NOT
yoJtathaV: WHAT DONT I GET
yoJtathaV: TELL ME
yoJtathaV: I CARE
yoJtathaV: NOAH CARES
yoJtathaV: IF YOU KILLED YOURSELF< IF YOU HARMED YOURSELF
yoJtathaV: WE WOULD CARE
yoJtathaV: PEOPLE WOULD NOTICE
yoJtathaV: I WOULD CRY
DalbyReed: I AM HORRIBLE EVIL PERSON THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO REASON FOR PEOPLE TO LIKE ME ALL I DO IS CAUSE PAIN FOR OTHERS MY FAMILY ....
DalbyReed: YOU WOULD NOT CRY!!
DalbyReed: NONONO!!1
DalbyReed: DONT YOU DARE CRY!!!!
yoJtathaV: I WOULD BE HURT
yoJtathaV: DALBY
yoJtathaV: PLEASE
DalbyReed: ....please dont......
yoJtathaV: you are a good person
DalbyReed: hah.
DalbyReed: if i was so good, why does my mom hit me?
DalbyReed: why do i punish myself?
yoJtathaV: your mom told you too
yoJtathaV: your mom is wrong
yoJtathaV: you are a good person
DalbyReed: i am not
DalbyReed: please dont you dare cry or get hurt!!
DalbyReed: i would die!!! you or noah
DalbyReed: he made me cry
DalbyReed: which i still am!!
yoJtathaV: whatd he do?
DalbyReed: he said he was crying
DalbyReed: and that he loved me no matter what.
yoJtathaV: people care about you
DalbyReed: why though?!
DalbyReed: thye shouldnt!
DalbyReed: ill only hurt them!
yoJtathaV: yes they should
yoJtathaV: no you wont
DalbyReed: yes i will!
DalbyReed: thats all i do!!
yoJtathaV: you can change that
yoJtathaV: you dont do that now
yoJtathaV: you are my friend
yoJtathaV: you always will be
DalbyReed: ......
DalbyReed: jack, i ******** love you. please dont you ever feel bad for me or let me hurt you in anyway, if you cried it would feel like the end of the world. please dont ever feel sad for me
DalbyReed: ok?
yoJtathaV: then dont think about killing yourself
yoJtathaV: dont hurt yourself
DalbyReed: ...fine.
DalbyReed: i was going to cut, but you got me out of it.
DalbyReed: ok, im not crying
DalbyReed: im fine
DalbyReed: just a little shakey
yoJtathaV: you're sure you're okay
DalbyReed: now i am
DalbyReed: i might be tomorow
yoJtathaV: are you going to go to the counselor tomorrow?
DalbyReed: yeah
DalbyReed: at lunch i guess
DalbyReed: man, im lucky i met you ya know?
yoJtathaV: haha, well, i hope you're okay
Auto response from DalbyReed: being very depressed in a corner somewhere with a knife. if anyone cares.
yoJtathaV: TAKE THAT AWAY MESSAGE OFF
DalbyReed: i just did
DalbyReed: sorry....
DalbyReed: well, ya
DalbyReed: i should go
DalbyReed: before i get pissed again and/or sad and/or sicidal
DalbyReed: *suicidal
yoJtathaV: well, before you go, just know that i care
yoJtathaV: and i wouldnt want you to hurt yourself
DalbyReed: thats good to know
DalbyReed: you have no idea
DalbyReed: thank you.
DalbyReed: night, i have to go sadly.
DalbyReed: sleep helps...
yoJtathaV: yeah
yoJtathaV: well
yoJtathaV: bye
yoJtathaV: hope your better
DalbyReed: haha, thanks
DalbyReed: night
yoJtathaV: goodnight
Yeah, i blocked all my friends including him and N2, and N2 Imed me as golfcamp, then J did. So, yeah. I'm still working out my feelings for him, i think hes like.... a big brother. sorta. i dont know....
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