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Alright...
Alright...NOW I'M PISSED! Over and over i have apologized to her, I've let her know countless times I love her, and she still won't forgive me. I don't like having to bring friends into my fights, but i couldn't handle this alone, but now i know there's nothing for me to handle. I'm not apologizing again. If she wants to forgive me, she'll talk to me how she talks to everyone else. Every time I hear her name, I wish I could cry, but I can't. I really want her to forgive me, but she won't, and every time I say hi to her, she can't reply without an "umm" before she says hi. Imagine having to live, knowing that the person you love won't even treat you like a normal human being. Treating you as if you have a diease. That's how i feel, and i really don't want to. If she knew what it was like, being ignored by the one she loved, having people look at her with disgust and hate, not having her own popular ways, living a mediocre life as I do, she would know how I feel, and I don't think she could handle it...I can't handle it...and she lives with everything she needs...One day, and she would feel completely different...but I can't do it... She doesn't know how I feel, how I would change, how I would DIE just to have her talk to me again, but if she can't even talk to me like a normal person, then I don't know if i would do any of that for her. As of late, I've become even more silent, and the only thing on my mind, is "Will she forgive me today? Will she allow me to regain that friendship? Or will I have to live another day in waiting?" I just wanted her friendship, but is it really that, or do i just want to talk to her again? But, just today, i really wonder if she even cares. Just today i offered to help carry some textbooks back out the the trailer, she did to, along with two people. We're in Middle school, and i was holding 8 books while they all held about 2 textbooks each. About 3 yeards away from the trailor, where we were bringing them, Susie, her friend, who wasn't even needed for the help, comes from the back talking to her and offers to help me. Susie, not even a proper helper, was kinder to me than Alexa, and I really wonder, if I even belong here, in this city, this district, this state, this country...this world...I don't want to be hurt by her anymore, but it will never stop...I never feel I belong and I always sit in the backround because of this, but only a few come to figure it out, and it just lets me know, I'm not welcomed or I'm hated. But she will never know what's it's like... she's a popular person, with lots of friends, and if she knew how often I cried when nobody was around, she would know why I seem so emotionless. She almost never cries, and when she does, people confort her. When I cry, I never stop, because nobody comes to comfort me. I'm scared of myself, because I fear I will be alone forever, and I don't want that. I just want to be appreciated, and not hated by all. I have no emotions at school, because they are all gone before i get to school. People think i'm calm and i can hold it in, but as soon as nobody's arount, i explode, and i cry, and my heart aches, every night. But she will never know how it feels. Everyone likes her, she has Louis flirting with her 24/7, and she can see that, but she can't see a kid crying in the corner. But who am i kidding? Nobody can...
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Community Member
The young girl put on a mask and learned how to pretend. She learned to smile when she wants to cry, smile when she was hurt and smile when her world was falling apart. She lived to pretend and make others happy, never once did she ever care for herself, never once did she show tears. Ten she stoped smileing, stoped careing and started to cut and burn her skin. She felt releaf with the blood flowing down her hands, the sound it made when it hit the ground. Her skin was burned and covered with blisters. All the pain she had soon could be felt by other, till one desided to stop it. He grabbed her and held her, cried for her. He did not want her in pain or to suffer anymore. His words touched her and she shead tears that have never been shead befor, and for the first time she smiled and ment it.
desciver it as you will but don't let her get the better of you. I'm here for you ok?