|
Today is a day that I didn't want to happen, I knew something was up the night before. I could tell something was wrong because she wasn't replying and when she did it just didn't seem like the girl I knew. I am the cause of my own damnation, I caused it and I don't know if I can ever fix it. I rushed things are the start, it was the best 32 days of my life I will admit at but with a moment it was all lost, I am so scared that those feelings won't ever come back. Will my feelings become useless and meaningless in the future? Was all the pleasure I got from her just a dream? What am I supposed to do now? I know I love her, I really do. I didn't want it to end like this, I am so scared she is going to find someone else that is closer or someone that she will love more and all the feelings we have towards each other will become a waste and I will crumble and never be put back together. She is one of a kind and no one will ever be like her, I can truly say that I have never seen or heard of anyone as amazing as her, she changed my life and I thank her for that I had no hope on ever being happy again but she made me the happiest person in the world, but will those feelings come back again? Will I live my life knowing that I am the reason things failed? The day she is ready to start over again will she pick me or is there going to be someone new, I am scared shitless of the future without her. I believe that you should fight for what you want, I will respect her and give her time but I want her to know that I won't be able to move on, I don't believe in taking second best things when I know what the best thing is. I will work for it, if she will give me a chance again when she is ready I will be better I won't mess it up off the start, I will come visit her and be her first in everything in time. I want her to pick me because of how much love we got from each other in such a short time, I have never felt so special in someone elses eyes. I have never known what it is like to feel so in common and safe by someone else. I was looking forward to so many cute moments together, I wanted to play mario kart and one of us ends up saying screw it and just jumps into the others arms and starts cuddling. Honestly I am scared and don't know what to do anymore, I keep opening my mouth and having all these words that are just flying around in it but my heart is sucking them back it, it is going to be so weird going day to day remembering her in all these different ways but knowing I can't make them the same as they just was. I will miss looking at her display picture of my name on her face, I will miss seeing on her profiles saying I will break peoples jaws. I already miss the reading that she has the most amazing person in the world that loves her, I am scared that is will be someone else and I will crumble from it, I am strong but I am not strong enough to know the person I love is with someone else, I am not ready for that I wasn't even ready for this, I know she wasn't ready to be rushed into something this quick and I didn't mean for it to be like that. I don't really know what to say, I can't stop crying. It is making it to hard to ready what I am saying and figure out what to say. Greta I just want you to know that I love you and I will wait for you, I just hope for when you are ready you remember how deeply in love we are and will want those feelings again and give this another try, I promise you won't regret it at all.
|
