I laugh at myself in what a pathetic attempt for my search of happiness. That all i am, a pathetic attempt. Spending all the years I've spent looking for it. 15 years it took to finally know what happiness is & as soon as I get to know it ,happiness is forced out of my life. I'm held in a cage sitting right in front of happiness but all i can do is see, hear, & know its there. Its all a sick game played by the puppeter, binding me keeping me away from what I've searched my whole life for. They like to see my pain watch it consume me, watch as pain & I merge into one being for its all that I've had, all that was there, pain never left me. Pain likes to play games with me, letting me out of my cage for just enough time to reach happiness when it locks me back in for an enternity. I think pain gets sick of me thats why he sends me into depression, pain also needs a friend. They grow on me making them my only friends. At a point they drive me to madness where hate flows. Consumed in the hatred I know nothing, slowly I regain myself just to relize I'm still in this damn cage to be imprisoned forever. Sorrow truly pitys me , given me memories of what was happiness till I almost forget. At least the memeries cause slight joy to me leaving me hope, that sadly pain takes away . I swim in my self dispare. In my cage, huddled in the corner I cry, I cry more than one should, but this is what I have done forever & is the only thing held constant I wonder why they put me through this? I know my purpose here, it came clear as day when I first saw it... happiness. That is what I am here for but they take my purpose away from me. I have become hollow a walking shell that is forced to stay here. Will i be able to gain my purpose again? I hope so... that is if hope stays with me.
WKDsythe · Tue Feb 14, 2006 @ 03:37am · 3 Comments |