|
This is going to be a rant. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
You can't say I didn't warn you. I haven't truly written in this thing since December (I'm not sure when the last post was actually written since I haven't stalked my journal in a long time, but the last meaningful post was made in December...lots of s**t happened in December... ._.) The first thing I would like to say before completely moping or bitching or wherever this is going to go is that Geekella on Youtube did a beautiful cover of Call Me When You're Sober. Go, listen to it. Now.
Now for the RANT. I have been reading one of my BDSM blogs lately, I have to admit that Under His Hand is an amazing blog by an amazing woman, she gives a human aspect to the entire M/s lifestyle...I had kept myself completely submerged in her blog lately and then I decided to branch out from it, considering something was going on with her pictures and they weren't showing up anymore for me. Anyway I decided to go back to The Slave Register and damn it, you should know I'm sick of the people there. All they did is b***h about people who were in LDR D/s and M/s relationships and now they're all "I'm a good little girl/boy, I NEVER disobey Master/Mistress"
What the ******** ever people! You're still human you know and sometimes we get irritable, sometimes we act out. Sometimes, yes sometimes we even disobey and push and ******** up. I can already hear the collective gasp at that statement, not like anyone from there would ever read this but still. According to the attitudes there one has to be perfect and it's annoying me to high hell. I am not perfect. I do not submit easily. I fight it all. I fight Her. And She lets me, She enjoys it... But...if I'm supposed to be the perfect little sub...always listen, never be bratty or anything like that well then I'm just gonna fail at this. I argue. I resist. I do those things sometimes just because I want to see what She'll do, whether or not She'll fight back. I like testing Her, seeing if She can actually handle me, seeing if She actually wants this just as badly, if not more so, than I do. I need Her to push back, I need to know She wants this more than I do because if She really wants this then She's going to have to prove it. She's going to have to fight for it. I want to lose that fight though, you know, I want to submit to Her. I just need Her to earn it. I need to know this won't end up like every other time before...I don't need Her to give up like everyone else did. She has fought though you know, it surprised me, it shocked me, she fought for it, for my submission and She got it...in that moment. I can't say that She always has it because we're still testing the waters on what we want from all of this. But she stood her ground and away I went into my little sub mindset and I felt bad. I felt bad that I hung up on Her, that I gave Her attitude.
I don't even know why I'm capitalizing her pronouns but I am. It's habit I guess. So, I'm not perfect. I may never be the best little sub out there, but I'll mold myself into the best sub for Her. I want this. I really want this.
Ugh, I hate people but that's nothing new. Also, I just got a reply from Geekella on Youtube, I comment on her rendition of Call Me When You're Sober, it makes me happy that she replied but I'm too much of a loser to actually check what she said.
-Her Masochist- · Tue Mar 30, 2010 @ 11:12pm · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|