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As with most of my pieces of writing, I do not know where to start. Ahh...

Science class: The class is divided into four-person groups to work on activities. As I am basically considered the most knowledgeable student in the class, I want to get the information activity completed correctly, but I also don't want to hurt the members of my group by depriving them of the learning experience that they need. To solve this problem I fill the position of supervisor/whatever no one else wants to do.

I was doing my usual "help the people in my group" and got up to retrieve a resource located elsewhere. This is where the trouble began. The moment I left my seat, a girl took my pencil which I had left at my desk. We get along fairly well, so I assumed from the manner she took my pencil, that it was a joke/game/thing done for humor and not for real need. Because of this, when I returned to my seat, I asked for my pencil to be returned.

That in its self is not a problem, you see, when I was helping another student (using that student's pencil), a boy began to use my pencil. When I noticed where my pencil had mysteriously disappeared to, I again asked for it to be returned.

And now for the problem:

He returned the pencil without compliant, but I noticed that he had nothing to write with because another student was using his pencil. Being a caring person, I returned my pencil to him and got a new one for myself.

See the difference? I let the boy have the pencil but not the girl. The big question is WHY?

Members of my class accused my of being sexist (some were serious, other were not). I denied this and laughed at it, perhaps because I knew I had done something wrong and was nervous? I don't know. I like to think that I hold no prejudice, I know that is not true, but I try very hard not to be racist, ageist, or sexist. How can anyone (asexuals excluded) not treat males and females differently? I try very very hard to treat the sexes the same.

After much afterthought (and stress), I conclude that either I treated them differently because I am sexist (not male supremacy, just different treatment), or I treated them differently due to their actions, both past and present.

I will not elaborate on the possibility that I do have a gender bias.

Assuming I treated the students differently based on actions and not on sexism:

I thought the playful extroverted character of the girl and the way she took my pencil meant that she did not have real need for my pencil.

The quiet, introverted, and polite character of the boy and the fact that he only used my pencil when I was using another pencil(even though it was someone else's) meant that he had sincere need. I'm guessing that he did not ask for a spare pencil because another student was using his pencil without permission.

Currently I believe that sexism did not play a major role in my actions, but I am still very stressed over the possibility. As if this wasn't enough, I am stressed over the possibility that i may have told inaccurate information to my class, so I want to correct it, but that would only stress myself out more because I might have been correct the first time and I might appear foolish trying to correct my self when I don't know what is correct!

Comments?