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The Recordings of Peen the Cat

Day 1
Successfully infiltrated a "farming" team and proceeded to to merge with this groups customs. I was quickly snatched up by an earth female named Cat, ironic is it not? She named me Peen, so I am now known as Peen the cat.It sounds to be a name filled with respect and authority and so it shall stick. Successfully imitating the common felis domesticus is rather hard but do-able. I must remember to keep my top two eyes closed or else they will suspect something is up.I have been using this primitive device known as a "tape recorder" to log my actions thus far and will have to convince the female who'm named me Peen that she has been recording quite a bit of her female thoughts, whatever they may be. This feline food is hard and crunchy and not at all delicious, I will have to voice my displeasure in a non vocal way, perhaps urinate in her shoe or knock plates off the counter. BAH! at any rate the female thinks I am adorable and I will use her residence as a temporary base until I am ready to call in the full extermination force. Perhaps if she pleases me and gets me that "Meow Mix" that I keep seeing on the flickering picture box in the "living" room,Why it is called a living room since it seems nobody has ever lived there for more than 30 or so minutes, I will keep her as a pet. The picture box amuses me in all truthfulness because it has demeaning earth humor that reminds me of home, The Earth Female who has housed me is approaching. Peen signing off

Day 2
The female who has sheltered me left earlier today cooing to me about going to Uni and she will miss me, I must find out what Uni is, I will use the folding Data Communication slab know as a "Laptop" to research other earth customs, the females living companion continues throwing little brightly colored sweets at me. They taste delicious and is a welcome change from the crunchy nugget food of yesterday, it does hurt when the female companion hits me in the head with one. Instead of rendering assistance she makes a funny female laugh. She will be one of the first to be exterminated when the time comes.

Entry 2
I have changed my mind about the Female companion she will most definitely be spared. She has purchased me a small prey, the strange thing only moves in circles so I must think it is mentally handicapped but the blasted creature won't die. It must be immortal and is a worthy challenge for someone as great as Peen the cat. I will learn its habits and hopefully request more in the future through other non vocal means, perhaps an offering of one of the large brown bugs that skitter about at night to show that no small creature is master of my new domain.

Entry 3
The female companion has taken her leave but left the picture box on and I am now watching it, I have yet to figure out the "remote" so it is all comedy all the time. I am amused how much humans value laughter to dedicate an entire system of electrical pulses and data communication to transmit it to the picture box. Earlier I attempted to look up "Uni" on the "laptop" Various pictures of humans with both male and female genitalia have appeared on the screen which shocked me I did not know humans were Hermaphroditic. I must verify this with the two "females" that live here. I shut the "laptop" thing to remain stealthy and of course unnoticed. Another thing it feels wonderful to open all of my eyes for once, it is also nice to eat fresh food that isn't in the form of a nugget or a pill, the humans may be primitive this concept of "grilled Cheese" that was left in the fridge is delicious especially when mixed with mashed Tomato paste cooked in Bovine Mammary secretion.The "Microwave" was relitively easy to figure out as well thanks to the picture box. You push the number buttons and then the one on the bottom and wait till it starts smoking. I enjoyed the smokey "grilled cheese" dipped in the smokey tomato paste. The house is now hazy and it smells wonderful, the females will be overjoyed when they return to find out their "mysterious" benefactor has made their dwelling more hospitable. This tape seems to be running sh-[the recording ends]