Damnit...My mind can't take anything in anymore. All I use to be able to do without problem is not working. I have always worried that I was actually mentally unstable but I think I have actually made it there.
My best friend got a boyfriend. I am happy just like I am for my other best friend. (She too got a guy.) But I don't know.
I am never in the same place for more than a year or two but...I have been here for almost 4 years. I have know these two for two out of the four years. But I have never been able to fully tell them or show them the real me. (Of course this might actually be the rel me.) Every year I would tranform into a new person someone people could judge and I would be fine because I knew I would be gone the next year. But these two don't give up on knowing something. One of them now goes to a different school. So it just me and the other one for now until her old crush came back. He hurt her emotionally by toying with her last year. For right now they are together. But I have made a promise with myself that I only let people cry on me over a person once. No more.
My other best friend (different school) I am telling her everything. She tries to help but even she can't fix it.
I have been blowing up at my best friend. I don't know why. Okay I lied. I have a possiblity of knowing why I am doing it. I am use to bottling stuff up and creating lies. And so far no one has caught any of my lies. But bottling up isn't working I am now acting out. I am not sleeping. I am going backwards instead of forwards. I am becoming less talkive and cooperative. I am becoming more depress. I am going back to a bad habit. I don't have any ideas on what to do anymore. If I say one thing and people get upset with me and if I don't say anything then they upset. Either way I lose. I just to go back to being the ghost of the school. The one who can dodge people in the hallways without being noticed. The one who can just be smart and unnoticed.
View User's Journal
When has happiness ever been apart of life?
Am I loud and clear or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer or are we just getting more lost?
I'll show you mine if you show me your's first
Let's compare scars I'll tell you whose is worse
 |
