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He wants to leave
To go to north Carolina.
To live with his brother
He will be happy there.
But god damnit. I don't want him to leave. Or leave without me
It's not fair.
He's all I've ever wannnted.
He doesn't know if he wants to be with me still though
But we are together. I wouldn't expect anything but what we have right now
I just want this. And him. And to not be all alone again.
Because yeah. I can go back to my dads.
And get my CDA, and have a little more money.
But I wouldn't have him, and he is what I want.
Its not fair. What about me isn't good enough to want?
I just want to give up. If I wasnt so scared of dying
I'd probably kill myself if he leaves.
But too bad for me, I'm too much of a p***y, so
I'd be here alone and miserable. (:
And yes, I could visit.
But let's be real. I haven't visited Katie, and I've been promising for eight or nine YEARS.
I'd need a clean break.
Or rather, I'd need to push him away so much that he hates me
And then make myself hate him.
Because I couldn't deal with being his friend from here.
It couldn't work, and I couldn't deal with talking to him while my heart broke.
Katie went to New Mexico.
Devin went on vacation to new Bethlehem, and left.
Chase will go to North Carolina, and that is the point where I give up.
Its not fair.
And it wouldn't be fair to him to do that.
But its what I would need to do to be okay.
Even though I wouldn't be any kind of okay, at all, for a long time.
I've been there before though.
And I can be there again, and get through it.
I just don't want to.
I want to live with him, and love him, and have a sometimes happily ever after, and have the cutest little creatures, and....be with him.