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I had enough time to think, waited two months inorder to choose between two decisions; Seeing how "adult life" is no different than back when we only had 1-2 hours to log in back in neopets, clearly if one wanted to arrive at the hangout to roleplay they would make some time to do so, I who has no life took at least 10 mins to post even with a 24/7 busy schedule. Ever since 5/10/13 I continued to check, to see how much activity there is without me; Checked every day if possible or at least once a week when it would be empty even checking the RP boards, This is from some who joined back 2004 since the group started in 2001, maybe people thought I was an olbie when I just copied what others did or was swordfight/hangout welcoming to newbies? I joined back in august of 2004; around this time I joined neopets cause of the mcdonalds toys, had to make a new account due to age 13 requirements for forums and started checking the forums, I decided one day to post about being lonely which got replies but it was ignored there, I checked the "other worlds" which had a board called "swordfight" which I studied to figure out what it was about "roleplay" which is easy since I'm really good at acting, I was accepted maybe cause people thought I was an olbie or I made my roleplay look like someone with experience back then.

Once it was Oct, 26 ,2004; that was when I stopped believing in love (I'll explain later) since I had to be honest towards someone who should have never believed in hatred, skipping the times that I spent no longer feeling alone like I found my home, the place that made me no longer consumed by darkness until I had a dialer causing a $300 phone bill which forced be to dissappear from the group thanks to puberty. it was 2005 febuary and "swordfight" had less people dissappear then 2006 august "sworfight" had even lesser people who moved to gaiaonline with majority of the group.I must have shown up at the original thread owned by Outlawz since I have "Flame_miester" which miester is hungarian for master which has around 1k-500 posts unless I was hanging out at alot of random online parties boards since all the post can no longer be seen.

Skipping until it was june, 9 2009; this was the hangout I was looking for sometime ago, when I had shown back I was welcomed with open arms for someone who was just a wraith of he could of been, I look back and see that there so many things wrong with me I tried to keep an act which after the effect of highschool plus a decission which caused so much pain after it's choice, I could have been married with children before 2009 but I showed up with delusions & infatuations trying to fit in, "professional help" around the time kept forcing me meds which would have me laying in bed majority of my time: telling me until I get better I can find work/ go to college which people only will hire freshly graduated and I'm still in a horrible status, I just re-return application so why bother when I get checks which feel like " hey ya still didn't take your life?!, here ya go" which I do not splurr. This is "proffessional help" this is what ten people studied 18yrs for just to diagnose and forced meds or become a outpatient to get forced meds cause thats their religion (only works thanks to placebo effect which also grants alot of problematic side-effects like sterilization), therapist to mimic freindship: which is it not suppose to be that friends stick around for the good & bad, not just only the good, clearly if this was the only "help" avaible for those who can no longer be considered human : it's really great help, no wonder being told that the world including themselves are truly imaginary is just a professional formal physiatrist greeting .

Therapist told me I should not trust online friends, therapist states to stop going on the internet, to stop play video games to socialise with RL Bully friends; this is the point during the horror that was 10-11TH grade I don't know if I did the right-wrong, wrong-right decisions back in 2006-2005,Even "Failure.Achieving.Good.Grades.On.Time" & stalker still affect me to this day, if relationship( including homosexuality: is just only a different choice) were about "love" then why does it bring so much hate/envy/lust: it's a selfish austist schizophrenic(who has a high rate of this again?) narcisist act really since only those two exist in this "garden of eden" world not 7billion people. I kept praying ever night to god during those times, even in 12th grade 2009, going to church but things just kept getting worse.

When I could no longer keep an act I kept failing apart around august-sep 2009 I left cause majority of the time felt one-sided( even in RL back in high school), now it feels like Friendships does not exist because two people(same or different genders) hanging out together too much must mean their dating... If only back in 2009 had I thought with my head & not the warped one , If only I had trusted that sending a message would not get me automatically called a stalker(thanks relationships and infatuations), sent to "professional helpful character assassins" and/or ignored, if only someone had PM me back then before I left due to therapist being right about " not to be trusting towards online friends" What is friendship? In this world it must no longer exist; is it only there when ya have fame/fortune, does it just disappear when all that is gone.

After 2005-2006 I experienced loneliness, I've always hated it; After so much time spent being alone during those times I got to the point where I now tolerant it, I now prefer being alone, I always had a grown up mindset even when I was young it's just that people prefer comedians which I literally have Asperger to even bother with , had all of middle school to understand I am not funny. I kept disappearing/reappearing due to not being stable anymore, "professional help" screwed up my mind to the point I relapsed back into severe depression,.

Now what happened in oct 2011 what I called "the time loop", it was a sudden realization which I kept desperately ignoring until I remembered someone, due to the fact that my life was going nowhere no matter what I tried to do I became desperate to no longer become lonely; I desperate for the feeling of love, but where I would get a "time loop" resulted with the solution of me having to leave by no longer becoming a part of the group RL bully-friends and the one who would have been my friends if I had chosen the other path in 2005-2006, Which is by simply stopping to hanging out with them seeing how I'm always in one-sided friendships( also by deleting my forced-to-make-or-bullyfriends-will-make-a-insulting-account FB account). This was when I started planning on reviving the hangout back in Dec 2011,I stayed there talking with whoever showed up from the group trying to keep some sorta conversation; Which for someone who stop being social... was I ever really social to begin with?, the point is I stayed there around 2012 seeing how another plan never worked(explaining later on) & just only talking with only one person majority of the time, I left until I showed up in febuary 2017.

Ever since 2011, I had a plan that if I had gathered fame, I could revive the hangout by bringing in a group of newbie/experts through my fame, I decided to stay at the OOC board in order to keep activity & bump the thread up while think of what I can do to gain fame... now it's 2017; That plan failed horribly, I failed you I could not gain fame, what did I do wrong? was it cause I was doing it for the hangout or with zero support, I tried to but nothing worked there was to much competion or I would have one good idea for it to just get ignored.Once I left the hangout in 2012, I kept brainstorming what ideas would work, while checking the hangout daily( or weekly when there was no activitity) I thought, " I'm unmotivated maybe I should post at the hangout OOC to see if someone would respond ("with inputs they'll be outputs" was that how the quote went?) , There was no point I gotta gain fame, but the group from the hangout could help support, no if they found out and I become a failure, it will only make things worse . " this kept happening until oct 2016 where I had another realization: regreting the decision I made back in 2005-2006 , kept brainstorming until this febuary 2017 where I decided to finally post at the OOC and RP, this was also the place I was affected with "time loop" which I was in complete denial until now.

I studied to figured out why this happened, why did this happen to this place what is the cause, When I had shown up back in june 2009 there was lots of chaos & activity but thanks to "professional help & god pills" (that was why I did not attend the rave early, with my post being there to hint something very horrid was slowly destroying my life back in july 2009) I could not last long staying there being told I cannot trust people online & the slow distrust due to feeling like a stalker if I attempted to speak with another person, the feeling of one-sided interregation, if I told/ anyone found out I would get ignored never getting a PM response. I Started to think, was I only accepted becuase there was the possiblity of me becoming a success, only to be abandoned when I had none just like this febuary/march 2017 "Busy" is just another word for not interested due to no worth , yeah I think selfish : that's becuase I've always been alone.

The time when things started to collapse was in aug 2010, When RP post stopped; this was around the time when the facebook group was formed but that was the cause for the OOC board dieing, Afterwards there were few who would post in the RP board mostly was just contry & aeris, from page 5645 to 5657 there was huge lack of posts completely halted at may 18 2015. " adult life" is no excuse for a place which was our haven; Clearly this hangout must mean nothing anymore if thats the excuse, This was what made us unique what we all shared in common, a place of roleplay & chaos & immaturity & battles, even newer people were welcomed to join, I was new in 2004 when the hangout was started in 2001.

To the point; This hangout slowly started to collapse during aug 2010 around that time a certain honest person became part of the group, I've understood such acts and will now explain something clearly obvious, this person always wanted the hangout destroyed through RP means but once that no longer worked: broke down started to demand quitting gaia. Now to explain how relationships work; if one person keeps socializing with someone who cannot find another they'll develop an attraction, if they keep working on trying to help one another they'll develop an attraction. The only reason people keep lying is only for power; Who happens to be the leader again?, Who was the person who kept trying to destroy the hangout again?, Now looking back in 2012; the first time I spoke with contry was on june 2012; contry must be one of the most predictable person to figure out in one statement(one statement) if my statement was accepted by him, it means william will never change!, william will always be a liar becuase that what gives him power, William evil side named contry is who he truly is, Since he could not destroy the hangout through contry's RP posts, He will destroy it by demoralizing those who wish to bring life in the hangout: this method is far superior method of destruction than through RP, No wait the first time I talked with willaim was in the Chat in FB where he was flatout insulting me he must have alot of hatred for me if thats the very first thing he told me, Wait no: I had to take a battle test back in Outlawz which was fighting contry which was one of the reason I was not there much, but wait why was he accepting of me for only june 6 2012 (first day I posted at the hangout in 2009), Why was contry interested in people posting in the RP & OOC ? How could someone who lived with distrust ever automatically trust someone they just only talked with for one day? Was there another reason? That was the only & last time I ever spoke with him; I mean the only form to break an infatuation is to complete excile from the person, thats what stoped my dumbfounded infantuations back in high school.

But this is online if I recall; One can just search up info on another and stalk them, I was at the hangout majority of the time who else was hanging with me, It's very dificult for someone to give up on obsessions when there was a place to watch, What happened is what got to me now, I was very desperate to keep the hangout alive; I no longer will ever bother with getting into relationships ever, once I left the hangout slowly started to die to the point where it is now, Where was contry posting at the hangout ? Why was only contry and aeris the only one posting, could it be that one rotten apple spoils the bunch? Is this what everyone wanted? No I'm delusional; The hangout is perfectly alive thanks to will/contry, look at how much life there is, The RP boards are so active thanks to the honest man name will/contry, it's been so active since 2010 since contry has changed. No this is no longer outlaw star hangout, or swordfight, this is contry's hangout It is perfect just like contry always envisioned, better than it ever was/will ever be.

I'm clearly the fault: I waited for 2 months causing so much destruction & lies & loneliness to contry's hangout . Life is wonderfull; I make one mistake : it's the end of the world & utterly hated then ignored forever, Contry keeps making mistakes: "it's okay He didn't mean to, he's still trying to change" then forgiven even if his actions would cause destruction & despair for another member (thanks contry your the most honest person I've ever seen: manipulation/lying and treating others inferior is the true form to this perfect Contry's hangout , anita will surely love this place) I give up on friendship ; I will accept hatred with all my...wait I'm not human I'm a demon, Adam felt loneliness so god created eve I'm a demon so I will accept loneliness like I always have since god forsakens demons especially the ones he converted, I will become consumed by darkness, become a narcissist, I start becoming a liar becuase that what the world loves: the perfect genetic trait in a pure offensive world, destroy those who have defective genetics (generousity,kindness, empathy, e.t.c are worthless in contry's hangout) & manipulate those with power to keep this hangout in the true envisionment of will/contry, I don't see it anymore. I have to keep that promise , Contry's hangout is perfectly active until I showed up, I have gotten use to being alone, I cannot catch up , I despise facebook, this felt one-sided, I have no worth , the curse truly does exist, friends only exist for those with fame/fortune... no friendship truly does not exist , This place went from being unique to predictably generic, I was such a fool to believe I was ever apart of this family or was I... I... .

" Rocket Mayhem = the story of icarus, reference to the space shuttle incident, now also memento towards a certain place"

"Accept loneliness, only yourself cares about you, cause it is the only method to prevent suicide, Those "friends" will abandon: while actual friends will stay if they know how much ya make, this is from some with those thought since 4yrs old, If relationships/marriages were truly about love then why do those people commit the deed, yet the selfish do not, the act will be done when alone: get use to solitude, love cannot prevent this deed, only hatred & figuring out why, I am worthless but I have to keep that promise, it's my only reason to stay alive"

"I do the things I hate because Hatred is the only thing I understand, love does not exist it is a delusion"

"Live with regret so one does not repeat the same mistakes"

" Remember ones past, cause history repeats itself"

Mario, Flame, Blaze, Rocky: August 2004 - April 1st 2017