so much s**t has happend to day ._. i just don't know what to do anymore.... i wish i could just erase today completly... emo
i woke up to my mom bitching about how much i suck at life and need to do all this s**t.... and then she was complaining that i had staied up late .... honestly why does it matter? im not disturbing her or both of them im not making s**t loads of noise.. i havn't done anything seriously wrong but yet i feel like im the worst child in the world. i mean honestly i don't go out and party and drink and do crap loads of drugs.. i mean for gods sakes im more responsible then my own goddamned sister! ( which she is older by the way.. shes 35) so then my dad came home early from work and was yelling at me about staying up as well i can't sleep because i've had so much s**t on my mind so i sit here stairing out my window its like i can't even be awake with out their permission is really ******** pissing me off an no matter what i say they wont change.... and top of that.. my physc teacher thinks im scared to move away from home... but im not i was going to take a summer job ....house sitting for one of her friends... and then my mom kept bitching at me about how i wouldn't be able to keep the house clean or even keep the things straight n crap so i said ******** it and turned her down.... not only do i have peers teling me a suck its my parents and ex teachers as well....
-sigh- and then David was talking to me and i resonded with "uh huh" cuz i was agreeing with him... and he blew up in my face...i didn't say anything other than that
i want to call chris and talk to him but if i do im sure he will get tired of me calling him crying about how my life sucks i mean i know we are friends but i depend on people to much
and to make things wrose i duno... Neo blah ._.; he said he needs time away from things so he can set himself straight... i asked him what about us? and i uno i don't even think he knows.... but hes gone now... i hope things work out alright for him... hes got more on his plate than i do... and my problems are stupid... But i care about him and am worried about him... sad
******** im so tired of being plaied with. im so tired of being used... im tired of everything i mean hell Jake and i don't even talk anymore since he has his new gf.... and i miss him we can't even talk for about 15 mins with out her getting pissy....
right about now i want to crawl into a tiny hole and cry till i sleep ... hopefully not to wake up any time soon.... they say your teen years are the best... and honestly the way i feel right now.... about my teen years... i don't know if i want to see other years to come...
now please excuse my emo journal i know it seems like im making big deals out of small thigns but damn i just don't have anyone anymore... my family..friends and even just people that i know all turn against me to make me out to be the worst person ever... why? what the hell have i done so much to piss everyone off.. i don't ask for much... i just want to be loved and cared about... for real... not just someone saying thigns so they can get into my goddamned pants or so they can just ******** use me in any way possible....
even my own niece and nephew don't want to be around me anymore sad i practically had to force Jeralyn to give me a hug sad
gonk sad cry merf doesn't matter .__.; i don't matter so good bye all.... i hope your life is awsome.
country_angel · Thu Jun 22, 2006 @ 11:34pm · 2 Comments |