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There is one character I can compare myself to in an anime: himura Keshin, a manslayer in his past seeking atonement for those he killed in his younger years. you could tell with him that he was sad, searching for something in life, and until he found it his sadness and guilt would keep him trapped within a certain mind set, he was always able to clam someone with his smile. The smile of falsehood hiding all his worries and troubles behind it caring for others instead of himself...I relate to him most often