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Three days ago, my Myspace profile was featured in the "cool new people" section of the front page of MySpace. I only found out because, later, I got an AIM from a guy (who's AIM screen name will be kept private for security reasons) who told me I was hot and wanted to talk to me. My Reaction was not pleasant. I freaked out and blocked him, but not before telling him that "I'm not queer" and that he would have to find himself another "butt-monkey".
Then I freaked again. I have gotten a few MySpace and AIM messages from women before, who praised my physical appearance, and a few of whom were as ugly as any man. (Some were even fat) But, despite my sometimes mocking the ugly ones, I never slurred anyone (except fat people, who aren't really people anyway), and I never freaked out an blocked anyone (usually, I just made fun of their appearance/mental deficiencies until they blocked me). This was new; my reaction was completely uncharacteristic of the radical civil libertarian I have always believed I was. It was something completely inappropriate for a son of my father; on the contrary, it’s something more like what my mother would have done. This was a mind-shattering thought, for I had always though that I was above my mother’s ugly, almost brutal prejudice. But the I gave my life a second look, and noticed something;

- I have a few lesbian and female bisexual friends, but all my male friends are straight.
- Despite my affinity for indy movies, I refused to see Trans America or Brokeback mountain, and immediately rooted for Crash as the best movie winner.
- Despite the fact that Judas pries is among my favorite bands, I hate Turbo Lover, and I am now utterly convinced that that would not be the case if Rob Halford was not gay.
- While I read Andrew Sullivan often, I have never (and, I admit it, will never) read any of his books dealing with homosexuality.

A pattern? Yes. While I’m fully able to pay lip service to the causes of equality and social acceptance of those with different lifestyle choices, I find myself unable to practice what I preach; I am a homophobe.
I won’t say it’s the way I was born, but it is definitely not a conscious choice. Quite frankly, I blame my mother, whose open prejudice of homosexuals lays in stark contrast with her otherwise rational and level-headed approach to everything. But yes, I do hold a deep-seated prejudice against homosexuals, I admit it. It’s not something I’m proud of, nor something I believe I shouldn’t change, but it’s something I can deal with in the open, mostly since it’s not my fault, and since it wont change my political positions whatsoever. I am still against government-sponsored marriage for anyone, gay or straight, I am still pro-hate crime laws, and I still don’t believe that homosexuality is any way harmful to anyone.
I have however, realized the harm that is done through the marginalization of latent and personal homophobia, and the grouping of them with political and radical homophobia. Its is, at the end of the day, harmful to the causes of normalization. But this is not about the effects of marginalization, this is about me, and why I’m a homophobe, and why it’s not as bad as it sounds.