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Everything

All the mistakes I've made.
All the things I've said.
All the things I've done.
I'll never repeat again.
Families breaking apart.
While the others just run away.
I sit here alone afraid of who goes next.
At times I think how I want things to change.
To how it used to be once before.
At times I cry all alone.
No one.
Not a single soul's shouder I can rest my head on.
With no place left to go.
Nothing I really know.
With a face I can never call my own.
Everyday I change how I am.
I change how I look to maybe see the better part of me.
I may be disturbed.
I may be naive but damn it I still have the right to dream.
That's something no one can or will ever take from me.
All the things I never show.
All the thoughts I never really share.
All the pain I constantly seem to feel.
At times I've abused myself.
Hoping.
Wishing that no one else could.
All the times I've put myself down.
Lowered my confidence.
Lowered my self-esteem.
Was all just to make my so-called father happy.
Just so he wouldn't.
All the times he has pushed me around.
All the s**t he has put my family through.
All those daily insults.
All that critical and derogatory criticism.
It tore us all up.
It tore our family apart.
It never seemed to really ever be enough.
Our pain.
Our unpleasantness.
Our misery.
It seemed to make him happy.
It seemed to make him feel secure.
All the things I've said.
All the things I've done.
All the things I haven't done.
They were all because of a man's drinking problem.
A man's luxury of having a nice big family that he hasn't realized died many years ago.
We died the first time he came home drunk all the time.
When he ripped his children from their once safe, comfortable beds.
When he watched his children suffer.