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i need to stop saying bad things about myself and stop having such compulsion with death and dying. and quit pushing people away, and stop yelling at my mom, but i dont want to start taking peoples bullshit again. and i dont want to stop with my bad habits, i need a way to fix my depression so i cant sink back into that deep dark hole i usually end up in, sink ha there are so many things i could have said bad about myself with that word, and i let people judge me. and maybe i should listen to kevin neighbors and marry him but i wouldnt do anything with him but he would never make me happy and i would get even more depressed but then he would shut up and hopefully stop talking to me, that way i would know i wouldnt die alone but i still wouldnt be happy but i dont think i could sink that low. but hey what can i say i cant get a guy to take a second look at me i mean the fisrt look hand to be scary enough and i'll always just be the friend if a guy ever did look at me again, sorry i'm slowing sinking into my dark hole of nothingness.

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