...but i feel really, really, horribly guilty about sean.
i mean, a while ago i realized how it must've been for him. the last time i saw him before i moved, we were all over each other; a year later, i come back and when he sees me i'm with one of his best friends. i hardly speak to him the entire time, and when i do it's just to mock him. he sees me kissing ceasar right in front of him. and then, to top it all off, i don't even say goodbye to him when he leaves - i'm too busy trying to find a way for ceasar to stay at alex's house for another hour. later i realize that he's kicked me off his myspace friendslist - a shallow thing to complain about, surely, but yet another little clue that perhaps it really is all my fault.
so, after coming to the startling conclusion that maybe i should tell him i'm sorry, i write him an e-mail saying how i wish it could've gone differently, how i understand how he must've felt, it was my fault, etc., etc. in short, i apologized profusely and sincerely. i meant it. and i asked if he could maybe forgive me and we could be friends.
but it seems that he has chosen never to respond to the e-mail, in which case i suppose i am not forgiven, and possibly never will be. and that really does make me upset. because i know it's entirely my fault. and maybe he actually just doesn't care about any of this, and i'm making a huge deal of something he's already forgotten long ago...but the fact that it still keeps me awake at night wishing things could've been different is unsettling.
see, y'all: having a boyfriend and being happy with him does not necessarily mean utter and complete bliss. there has to be guilt and complications, as well... confused
Brittastiq · Mon Jul 17, 2006 @ 06:58pm · 3 Comments |