Ugh, thank god for this journal. I'm flipping out right now and i hate to write in actual journals (cant trust anyone wit it) so i have this to write in.
ok...lets start off with this....
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! scream scream scream gonk gonk stressed crying
that is basicly how i'm feelin right now...
seriously i cannot stand being in my house anymore. My parents are threatening to send mi back to the mental hospital cause they believe i haven't been taking my meds (which i really haven't but oh well)
my mom just brought up the fact that she's happy that i "supposely" have gotten over my boyfriend, or at least who she believes is my ex.
I called me bf right afterwards (accidently hung up on him) but i didnt say anything about it but i soon got really upset just thinking about how everyone hates us being together.. and how i can't see him at all i started crying on the phone then i got off the phone wit him, since i didnt want him to hear mi crying. i hate that fact that i cry about so many things and about how i can't stand up for myself.... i was reminded this a few times by my bf... how i listen to wat everyone says and i never do what i want i'm the reason why i have nothing to do everyday i'm the reason why i'm so goddamn miserable
i dont have the balls to stand up for myself and do what i want to i am constantly reminded of this and constantly reminded that i need to get rid of my insecurity issues and start liking me for who i am
pretty hard to do... and i know i need to stand up for myself but thats pretty hard to do too since i'm so use to listenin to others. and i can't stand how my mom says she is so happy i have gotten over my bf pisses me off sooo much! stressed and wat also gets me so mad is how i just dont seem to be able to stop complaining
i know a lot more ppl r goin through worse s**t then me... but this is just getting so aggravatin
AAAAAHHHH!!!!!! my boyfriend asked mi wat was wrong when i started cryin on the phone i told him i just had to get off the phone i hate how i make him have to put up wit my whiney a** he's one of the very few ppl who actually listen to my problems but i hate it when i start complainin about it all to him cause i start sounding like a little kid and i always have a feeling that he doesn't take me seriously mainly because i act so stupid and because i whine so much
i do act stupid... i hate that...
cause i know i'm indeed, not an idiot but of course with everyone tellin mi that i'm actin a bit dumb its makin mi think twice i'm like some dumb blonde...just witout the blonde hair ugh...gets to mi... cause i dont want my boyfriend to think i'm such an idiot or somethin.. he is the only person whomes thoughts towards mi i actually care about i dont wanna seem like some stupid b***h who doesnt seem listen to him, who doesn't seem to ever get the point, who doesnt have the balls to stand up for herself, and is always in a spacious mood! i wanna be the girlfriend that i'm suppose to be! grrr
well..i'm done for now...
and i completely hate myself for even thinking about writing this down, cause its not helpin my complainin situation...
anyways... i need to calm down I heart you Wayne and miss ya
-frankie heart
Simple and Clean91 · Tue Jul 18, 2006 @ 11:56pm · 1 Comments |