I sat in the shower tonight, thinking of her. As I did my heart began to rip and pull at me knowing that soon she would be gone. To be gone... I wish I could be gone free from it all. The pain, the emotion, and my accursed love. Yes thats the word, even when it's such a strong word I say it for it is how she makes me feel. I am only truely happy when I am with her even when shes sad or pissed at me. But now I will be alone and it struck me again pulling and tearing at my soul. I got out of my shower and grabbed my razor and then returned to the tub. I sat in the falling water looking at it and working my nerve. I placed the razor to my wrist and pressed it down. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. Again I tried working my nerve but it failed me once more. I did this many times and failed everytime. I tried but I am to much of a coward. So I went to the party acted like I was ok when in fact I wanted to be dead. I saw her and I was happy but then she called her boyfriend how it hurts knowing he has her. My heart weeped and agian I wished I were dead. We said our goodbyes and she went home I only have one more week before she's gone forever. I wonder if I tried in a month from now when my depression leaps to new bounds if then... Maybe just then... I can bring myself to end my life, let my blood flow and drain every ounce of it's worthlessness to the floor. Without her I will be nothing.... And nothing doesn't exist so why should I be permitted to?
 Iori...Yagami · Wed Jul 26, 2006 @ 08:52pm · 0 Comments |
