Okay, so I've decided to start talking to you again.
That doesn't mean you can control this. That doesn't mean I'm bowing down. You've always known about my whole problem with pride. Maybe you can forgive that. Who knows, with all that people say. That's what led me away in the first place. What people said, what I didn't agree with. What anyone says.
My skepticism isn't holding. My coveted independence isn't so coveted anymore. All these ideas of right and wrong, all these ideas of black and white.
All of this.
It has to have a purpose. It has to have an answer. If not, then what do we live for? I can't keep coming up with answers. I just can't, but I still need those answers. God, do I need them.
So I've decided to start talking to you again. Even if you don't have the answers, at least I won't feel alone. At least I'll have faith in something. Maybe now I'll have someone to blame, or someone to believe in. This whole idea of bringing it all upon myself isn't working. I can't assign a purpose to everything. I need help.
But I won't be controlled by what anyone says. You know that. So maybe... just as a favor... You could be what I say you are. It's what everyone else did, after all. Would it be all right if I reinvented? You could forgive that, couldn't you? Then, I wouldn't have to be so skeptical. I wouldn't have to question. You could just be. Everything would make sense, or at least a little more now than before.
That would be nice.
I've decided to start talking to you again. Please, for my sake, please listen. I don't care if you're real. Sometimes it's better to just try for the sake of trying. For the sake of feeling like everything is worth it. For the sake of worth itself.
-L
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