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Another Funny Story From Drabble Matic |
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And no, I don't know any "Bill." I just had to pick a name.
The Miracle Of The Woodchuck
Chris hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like a smiling ghosts falling down a flight of stairs. He loathed it.
Every December, Chris would feel himself getting all rancid inside. He refused to put up a Christmas crypt, he snapped at anyone overdue enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Chris had to go to the mall to buy an antique oven. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing guiltily around and so much Christmas music blaring dirtily, he thought his spleen would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a flaming man collecting for charity. Chris never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the flaming man dropped his bells and ran under the bed. There was an elderly woodchuck right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the flaming man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Chris rushed out and sleepily pushed them both out of the way. There was a sagging bang and then everything went dark.
When Chris woke up, he was in a sparkling room. There was a Christmas crypt in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Chris's ankle hurt. A lot.
The flaming man came into the room. "I'm so queasy!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Bill. You saved me from the truck. But your ankle is broken."
Chris hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas crypt up and his ankle was broken, he felt quite grease-spotted, especially when he looked at Bill.
"Your ankle must hurt wrongly," Bill said. "I think this will help." And he tussled Chris several times.
Now Chris felt very grease-spotted indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Bill. "I love you," he said, and kissed Bill annoyingly.
"I love you too," said Bill. Just then, the woodchuck ran into the room and nuzzled Chris's lip. "I brought him home with us," Bill said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Chris said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.
RJ Hazelwood · Thu Dec 07, 2006 @ 12:34am · 0 Comments |
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