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MOOD: sad heart

Well I have been pretty good lately. Iv been way above hyper and just completely insane...but now its all fading away. last night I just passed out after taking some time to think to myself...*SIGH* no body reads this journal anyways so I guess it doesnt matter much what I say...

well the main things I thought about

-school
-graduation
-After grad.
-LOVE

I took the time to remember my issuse with love last year...I hate to remember it and I believe myself to be a fool for it...the story is..

last year my friend and I were the closest ever (I dont usually get to close to people unless I feel they are trusty) I have known her since 3rd grade and now we are seniors in high school so I do trust her in some cases...WELL later there came a guy he was in one of my friends classes and I only knew him from the bus...I started to like him and I told my "good" friend that I did...then later on she told me she liked him...lets just say they became close and I started to back off but me and him were still buddies and talked often we had so much in common I actually had the strongest feeling in my heart...the strongest ever that I would cry every night...next thing I know they are going out and things just when down hill from there ...now that I look back at it....I was stupid...Im still friends with both of them but I hold a BIG scar in my heart...but I think of myself as stupid because...now they fight a lot and I see hes not the nice guy I thought he was...and Im happy it ended up the way it did...but love has never been the same for me...I'v never had a boyfriend...I probly never will... cry I still have hope that someday something good will happen to me...and so far Im content with my life even with its faults... I think I may even try to love again...

my only thoughts are... ... Does he care in return? or Will I have to care about him in the shadows?...does he realize that I really do care?
even though I still dont know him well...I want to, I want to know him better...I think he thinks Im some odd lunitic and some times I wish he would read my journals...but Im not all Glitter and sun shine...I hide feelings from my friends and famly ... But here I dont feel the need to hide them because no one reads it anyways...

well...I better shut up now... cry

bye 4 now...

~RUby heart