..When darkness turns light.. it ends tonight.. it ends tonight... Never want to say good-bye Why do you take it all? Why do I beg for more?! Scream it out..Let it slide..Let It Go! I think you can do much better than me.. .. ... Take this from me..I want to hate you Your tears don't fall, they crash around I told myself I won't miss you but I remember...
Once more I'll say good bye to you- Bullet For My Valentine
First Final Done! Yay! But I'm going to fail, I couldn't think straight all morning, everything from last night and before the exam was just stuck in my head and I couldn't clear it out until I got home, which was about what seven minutes ago! I feel Retarded and Hurt. I pretty much lost one of the only people that I've ever cared about because I was being stupid and over thinking too much but I can also blame Seb for that, he was the one putting the thoughts/ideas in my head on the bus! Yesturday I wasn't in the best of moods because I had just gotten back from the hospital and I was pissed off at a few friends about crap that happened over the weekend with them and a few other people and Seb wouldn't shut his god damn mouth about Flipping stuff I've never believed in my whole life on msn and I just lost it and wrote a ton of stuff that I know would hurt a ton of people and Stupid enough I wrote a journal post on here about someone I cared a lot about. Because of it, I ruined one of the best things in my life. Val had heared the whole story last night after I posted in the forums I always do, I tell her everything! seriously though I really do have to stop telling her everything! She planned that this weekend she was going to help get my mind off of him, even though she liked him the most out of every guy I dated in my life, she says I should smile, get up, fix my pants and go out on the town. But I'm doubting I could do that right now, my eyes are still red from crying today in the hall. Yes oh my god tra. can cry no way! She has feelings :O as Seb would say. We'll probably just end up next door with Pat and jake and them, drinking. which I really don't want to do because I quit drinking so I could get better grades and if I start again.. er..downhill once more. Only Val reasures me that once We move to the city in five months, I'll hardly even think of tye because we'll "always" have guys over, or we'll be shopping all de time.. UH HUH SURE! I don't like to shop and If anything I'll probably end up being a hermit the whole time I'm in the city. I'm not ready to move on with my life. I don't want to move on, I'm ready to crawl into a hole and die though ^-^ Yes Yes I know Val, Seb and Marcus if I did that you'd dig me up and kick me. I know! As Marcus would say "I'm fading away and soon I'll be nothing but a faint memory", maybe that'll happen one day But I'm hoping not today. I guess Stan's right though about something for once.. I do push people, I push them far enough that they don't care and walk away. I just hate the fact it's over, it's done, no more, gone bye bye! I told myself I wouldn't hold on again.. but hell when do I ever listen to myself anyways. I held on for four months before, who knows maybe I'll grow up enough that I won't push people away, I'm just scared to get close to anyone, I'm not worth it anyways. People can do A Hell of A lot better than me! I was so scared to lose Tye and now look at me, without him because of how stupid I am. I never cried over a single guy before him and I never loved someone so much that if he wants to be let go.. I guess I'll have to let him go... It'll be a long time until I fully forget him but if that's what he wants then I have no other choice but to agree and put a fake smile on each day. I'd love to hear that's not what he wants but I do believe I just ruined my last chance with him.
I guess i'll have to see what happens this week and this weekend.. who knows maybe things could change..really wish they would
About the Really Random Writing at the top, it's just random quotes from songs I've had stuck in my head all day, they don't mean anything at the moment.
` Ice · Wed Jan 17, 2007 @ 06:00pm · 0 Comments |