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this just happens to be my very first jounal entry...which will probably just be poems and little stuff about what's going on in my life...but...i like to share...so...DEAL WITH IT! biggrin

anywho...today was my, as well as everyone else's, friend funeral and memorial service at CCHS (my high school). the choir, which would include me, sang for the memorial service. that was probably one of the hardest things for me to ever do...i didn't make it thought the whole song...i started crying right in the middle of it and wasn't able to finish singing.

i bet you're all wondering why johnny was so...honorable...well...to put it short and simply...Johnny was a man of God...like David, he was a man after God's own heart. Johnny was always trying to find ways to get closer to God. i could see him being a pastor. Johnny meant so much to everyone at my school...and to the doctors and nurses that he met. Johnny always wanted to know how a person was...he would ask everyone he met, "how are you?!" and he would alway have that huge grin on his face...when Johnny would ask you how you were he REALLY wanted to know. johnny...agaped (greek would for unconditional love) everyone...even if they were the meanest person on earth...he just loved ppl. Johnny knew his time on earth was a short time...so he lived each day as if it were his last...cuz really...he didn't know when he was going to die...but everytime he would visit the doctors he would tell them that he trusted them in whatever they did and that he trusted God.

you're probably wondering now why he would say this to doctors...well...Johnny had cancer...and he desprately needed a heart and a kidney...unfortunately...they never found a match...but forunately...they didn't...i say that cuz now he's not in pain...he's not suffering like he was. Johnny wasn't able to do everything a normal kid could do...but he would try. Johnny was not of this world...and you could soooo see that when you saw him smile. Johnny was a man of God...truly. *sniff* *cries* Johnny loved to sing for God...lol he had even tried out for choir...lol to our ears he didn't sing good...not even a little bit...lol but...to God...it was the most beautiful sound in the world. now he's has the most beautiful voice ever. he had even tried taking voice lessons...just so he could try again this year. he just wanted to sing for all to hear...and for mostly God.

i remember last year...i was always depressed...and Johnny would just come up to me and just ask me how i was...and me being me i would tell him, "fine..." but Johnny would still just hang around and joke with me until he saw myself to start smiling with him...i remember last year i was new to CCHS and Johnny just came up to me and started talking to me...lol i was like, "uh...i don't even know him...why is this guy talking to me?" lol last year i wasn't an open person...and so...i would sorta shove Johnny away from me...but...each time...he would make me think of what's important...God...on the last few weeks b4 Johnny went into the hospital God opened my eyes to REALLY see Johnny as a man of Christ...and who was a true friend....while he was in the hospital i wanted Johnny to get better so bad just so i could get to see what God let me see that last few weeks...sadly...and happily, Johnny went "home" to the Lord March 1, 2005...sometime during the afternoon...it hit everyone at school hard...today was probably the most special day at my school...for once...the WHOLE ENTIRE school acted like a family...a kind loving family...it didn't matter if you were a jock...or a cheerleader...or just someone who was blah...we were all together...acting like a family to each other. at the service, which was beautiful, the family had come and everything...about the entire school came to the service when they could have just gone home and just missed out...but everyone one came...then...at the end a pastor said that they all could leave...but every student waited for the family to leave the building...and then in a line they started to leave. then at the gravesite, half the school came with the family. it was so beautiful outside. then...at the end...the pastor said that we could all leave and that some of us could stay and pay our respects to the family. no one moved...then...the family started to hug those getting the respects...and no student from CCHS moved until the family was done...then...once they were...students started forming a single line to give the mother...the father...and a few other family members hugs, if they didn't know them, and words of peace along with hugs, if you did know them...and even after the students were done with all that they waited once again for the family to leave the area and then left to go to the reseption...it was so pretty...even if it was in the school's gym...lots of flowers and they had a huge screen playing little things of Johnny...then ppl just started going home...today was a really hard day for everyone...especially me...

i love and miss you johnny...but i know i'll see you again one day...ja'ne.