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Well, here I am. I guess thats all I can really say for now. I havent been back to Gaia online in almost 2 years. But, bored on a sunday afternoon, I return. I dont really know if anyone is out there reading this, because most of the people I talked to probably dont even think I still come here. And they would be correct, too, if it wasnt for this random stroke of nostalgia that came about me on this sunny afternoon.

Outside, its actually rather beautiful. The blues and whites on the horizon. For the first time in my life, mountains off in the distance. 7 miles away from the town of Lompoc, California. Roughly 2000 miles away from home. 2000 miles away from my newly wedded wife. Sometimes I wonder how I arrived here. Sometimes I wonder why I arrived here. Because its not the how that really gets to me. Its because sometimes I miss seeing my wife's beautiful smiling face. And then I ask myself why I decided to do all this.

Often Ive been approached by strangers. Complete strangers have come up to me and thanked me. Strangers have bought me drinks. They have shaken my hand. Why? Because I wear a uniform? I didnt sacrifice anything for them. I havent helped them in any way. I feel dejected taking their warmth and kindness. I shouldnt have accepted their thanks, or their drinks, or any of their kindness... but I played the role. At least someone left the concursion feeling like they have done something good.

^^; I surely dont mean to depress whoever stumbles upon my rantings. This is just something that has been on my mind lately ^^.

But I digress... My last stay was in hurricane-ridden Mississippi. Before that, the purgatory that is Lackland (in Texas). Lackland was the start of this journey of mine. But I dont wish to get into details about all that. Lets just say it was no walk in the park. And now, here I am, in sunny California. One of the first sunny days since Ive been here, however. But Im more partial towards the cloudier days, so I find myself inside as much as possible. I remember times long passed, at work before I came here. Those were good days. Back when I used to frequent Gaia. And the Red Flames. And I would stay up long nights (and I emphasize long), rping with a specific woman. She might not even remember, but those... those times were memorable times for me. More than she probably ever knew. She helped me realize who I was, as well as what kind of person I was. Well before I was forced to find who I was in BMT. That was a crucial time in my life... and shortly after I met my wife. If it wasnt for this specific person, I might not ever have had the realization that changed my life. I love my wife dearly, with all my heart and soul, more than anything I ever have before. And, for some reason, I cant help but know that if it wasnt for this person's involvement in my life, that might never would have happened. So I would like to thank her. She might not ever read this, but if you do, thank you. Its hard to explain my exact feelings... but I know if it wasnt for you I wouldnt be the person I am today. And for that, I am grateful. I wish someday I could exchange the favor, but our chances of ever talking again are relatively slim.

Well, I feel better getting that off my chest. I dont think she has any idea of this, and Im not completely sure if she even remembers me. But she is a good person. One of the few I have ever come across. And, especially in my days of constant travel, I have met many people. In fact, there is less than a handful of people I can say such good things about. And there are even less that have had such a profund effect of my life. I miss our conversations.

And again, the sun is slowly lowering and my time of outdoor nighttime vagabondage is at hand. I dont spend much time surfing the internet or talking to friends online, but I spend much of my time wondering around the 25-square-miles looking for a dark, quiet place with a good view of the angelic night sky, waiting until the next time I can speak with my wife. I estimate I have a good hour left before the sun is down, so here I remain for now.

-Thomas