That feeling you get when you realize you can't fix the world, can't make everything perfect for just one person, just one measely person...It makes your heartbreak. I mean, you know how to fix everything it seems from Thanksgiving Dinner to brakes in a car, and yet you don't know how to make a baby not sick, a lover not stressed, the world a better place or your own tears go away. It's horrible to just think out loud one day and just realize that you can't make your mom think you are perfect or that you can get perfect grades while inside you just want to tear your hair out and scream till you can't scream anymore and they've locked you up in the looney bin...It's days like that that you almost do just tear off all your clothes and running around screaming like you are running from the devil himself. Days like this that you can understand Ophelia and every tragic heroine that goes insane from grief or worry or something like that. But then, you realize that you still have the one you love, even though he feels like he's pulling away from you. You have the roof over your head, a place to lay your head...So many things that others right here in Madison County or Georgia or the U.S. or the whole damn world for that matter... And it makes you feel not only like an idiot, but a heel, a cur, a b***h. Makes you feel lower than ameobia crawling around on ticks that feed on rats that carry the bubonic plague. It's days like this that you can't stop the cycle, can't break free and you start wondering what it is that keeps you on days like this from just ending it...And then some stupid, worthless excuse pops into your head, giving you a flimsy respite from the wondering. And then...you realize that you must be crazy. Who else would get like this when they have the world at their fingertips practically? And who else would write about it in a place where all your friends and family could possibly read it..and actually post it? Who would free write in such a crazy place as this but I myself?
 InnocentDreamer · Tue Apr 24, 2007 @ 03:04am · 3 Comments |
