*Plays with hair thinking of wat to do or wat to type....idea pops in head* ok, well i met this guy a while back and everything and he only likes me as a friend tho he acts like im his gf and protects me like im his gf yet he wont say that he likes me that way and i rele dont like him that way and its wierd cos i hate acting this way for the sake of makeing him happy but he's my friend and thats how i am and also i hate it cos i have to make my bf's happy too and then it gets all hard and i cant deal with it then i feel bad cos i cant make them happy and i feel like im beating myself up over nothing at all but it isnt just nothing it is something but i cant help but to feel like im a failure to the world cos thats all i am rele i mean both my parents want me gone and i feel like they hate me then i hate me then i hate them then i just break down and if i could cry i would have cryed often but i cant do anything about it cos im just a loser and i feel like im rele hurting myself only can someone please help anyone i dont kno wat to do cept cut myself get stoned get drunk and smoke cigs so someone please help me its to damn early to be thinking like this but i am damn the day and damn my life and damn me y is it i have to deal with everything that goes on here in my house y do i have to deal with everyone elses problems y am i the sholder thats always cryed on y do ppl pick me y am i so god damn good? wat makes me so damn perfect that everyone and everything comes to me for comfort wat did i do to deserve all this y me for all this hell y me for all this pain y do i have to do all this cant i just slit my troat and get it over with? NO! cos god ******** hates me and wants me here forever to be in pain life is the worst punishment to get death is ur greatest reward y does life punish me like this....y....cant i just go away cant i just disappear and never come back and never have to deal with this again or am i doomed to this for eternity and to never feel happiness again...to share something with everyone....
Love
Love is a open door witch we all enter, once we do we've sold our soul to who kno's wat and we will never reterive it back.Me on the other hand i never gave it out my first love could never take it from me and now i show hate and greed and pain....
Death
My greatest wish and love....
This day has been the worst day this months and i kno it nothing could be worse my parents are constantly on my case they wont go away i cant leave and the last time i left was in the middle of the night just so i didnt have to sleep in the same house as them y cant i just die already relel now is this some kind of sick demented punishment god is giving me i mean wat did i do other then burn a church down and that wasnt even all my fault it was a acident i mean i didnt relel mean to do it but w/e its over and anyway i hate this and i hate me and i hate my life i dont kno how many times i can say it i rele and truly wish to just die and rot in hell for all of forever and never have to deal with anything
ellybabe Community Member 
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Community Member
I dont see how you can want to die if you have someone that loves you. Just have faith and take it easy, stop smoking, stop drinking and just relax