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This is for you; Christine........ |
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“I just lost a good friend. Not just any good friend, my best friend. I never saw it coming. It came out of no where. I would have never thought that the love we had for one another would be no more.”
Some times when I think of all the things she put me through, I start to feel a sort of anger, which I had in me when my brother took advantage of me. I don’t like to use the term hate, but that’s the emotion I’m leaning towards.
I got acquainted with her in the tenth grade- I was fifteen. I got close to her three days after that. Ever since that time of me getting the courage to say hello, I thought we were thick as thieves. Until a few months later, when a girl named Tiffany came in the picture, which was the first time she told me to stay away from her. I cried for hours, days, weeks- there was a gaping whole building in my soul; a feeling that was un- inscribable. I started to fallow her around, like a little lost puppy. I didn’t want that to be true.
We had a table at lunch where we would sit; a group of friends I had thought were once mine. They slowly pushed me further and further away from them. So I started to sit next to another group of people; who sat horizontal from them. They felt bad, because of the way they were treating me. One of their (the one’s I called friends) only reasons for me sitting next to them was so that I could be left with picking up their trash. Every day at lunch, they treated me like I didn’t exist, I wasn’t there; yet I was two chairs distance from them.
It’s kind of funny that they/she never forgot me when it was time to clean up. They picked up their lunch trays, and gave it to me to throw away. – This happened every day until the ending of the school year. It wasn’t until I started to keep things from her that she has gotten close to me. (Maybe it was because she knew she was moving to Oklahoma- and needed someone to keep her close to that particular group of people?) It was that summer before she moved away that we began to get extremely close, as to I to her –go figure…. She helped me make this Gaian account; which I’m deleting shortly by the way.
Summer goes by, and we’ve created a role play, that has made us even closer to one another. We would talk for hours; literally. I think our record was fourteen hours straight; of course with the additional, constant cordless phones dying, other than that, we never stopped talking. Then I had school, it was my junior year of high school. By that time, we were inseparable- as though I thought. I would always think about her, I’d constantly think about calling her as soon as she got home. I couldn’t wait till it was 5:00pm to call her. I remember sitting by the clock; waiting for the big hand to go to five. I would have the cordless phone ready in my hand.
That time, I was going through a transitional period. I was trying to find out about myself, trying to figure out who I was. I started to think I was bisexual; but ignored it. What I had thought was that I was falling in love with her, and I was, or already have. What I didn’t know was apparently she had fallen for me as well.
We were goofy, we were outspoken, we were as close as close could get. Even though I’d constantly get yelled at by my parents, because of me constantly being on the phone, I still continued to call her, as to her to call me.
My sixteen birthday party was coming up, and I wanted her to be there. So, I begged and bribed my parents to have her visit for the weekend. So I got with her dad, and planned the trip.
I spent weeks of cleaning, slaving around for my parents; sucked it up and went to church every Sunday, just so it could happen. Then it did, I couldn’t have been any happier. That was the best thing that could ever happen to me. I remember the feeling I had when she called and said she was at her second stop, and the plane would be here in three hours. I was pacing back and forth in my home, watching the clock. Then when it was time to pick her up from the airport, I was rushing to the luggage claim to find her. And when I did, I held her in my arms, and I never let her go; well I had to eventually. When I did, we were smiling, laughing, and giggling like little girls. We went into the car, and drove home.
When we arrived at my house, we immediately started decorating the basement. She would put the party streamers on the ceiling, and I’d get the other stuff ready. When the party started, we were dancing, joking, and simply living life. When it was time to cut the birthday cake, my friend Diana told me that it was a tradition for the person who’s turning 16, to have cake rubbed in their face. So I went a long with it. But the way she did it, it didn’t just go all over my face, but down my dress, and all over. I started choking on the cake, because it went down my throat from me laughing. Everyone was laughing. I started crying from laughing so hard. When I was choking on the cake, my friend Barcode; A.K.A, Cody tried to do the Heimlich maneuver on me; while he was doing it, Christine, my best friend, made a comment on it. She said, “Oh my god Barcode. It looks like your butt raping Anna!”
That made me start laughing again, but it was also making me blush darkly as well. And it wasn’t just me who was laughing, it was everyone…
When the party was over the next day, my dad took us to Washington, D.C. We went to the capital by train. On the way there, we stopped at Union Station. There it had a huge underground mall. We separated from my parents, and it was just me and here there; just the two of us. We stopped to look at all the incense at this person’s buggy, and then we looked at this very expensive store, a store that neither of us would be able to afford. I remember picking up this one T-shirt, and it priced about 360.00 – a piece. Then saying, “Holly s**t, three hundred and sixty dollars for a damn T-shirt,” then I immediately put it back. After we were done going through all the stores, we went to McDonalds. I didn’t get anything because I was currently on a diet. I waited at a seat I picked out, waiting for her to return. She came back with two apple pies. She began to tease me with it, because I wouldn’t eat it; but I wanted too. “Yum, apple pie, so orgasmic! The apple and cinnamon just melts in your mouth with every bite,” she said this as she slowly takes a bite out of it. Then I eventually gave in and took the offer of half the pie.
Then it was time to go to the capital, so we headed towards our train. I sat next to her by the window, as she sat near the passing side of the train. I had my CD player on, and she had her sketch book. When it was our stop, we got off. It was brought to our surprise to find a festival going on. There were foods, activities, and so much more. We looked around, and figured out what it was. It was a cultural festival. We looked at all the neat things, and then found our way to the museum. After us being there for 5-6 hours we headed home. We were both tired. On the way home, we stopped by Subway for sandwiches. She had no more money by that time, so I paid for her meal. While we were eating she was drawling in her sketch book. (I still have all the pictures she had drawled for me, hanging on my wall) Then we went home.
The next day I had to take her home. It was Sunday morning; around 6-7am. I wanted to go with my dad, because I wanted to say goodbye to her. Apparently, saying goodbye was harder for us then it normally would be, by saying goodbye to her on the phone every day. We got emotional, she was crying, and I was trying not to. I was trying to get my dad to leave so I can give her a goodbye kiss.
To be continued……..(Christine if your reading this, I did this for you)-still working on it
 Darkember01 · Sat Feb 03, 2007 @ 06:55pm · 0 Comments |
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You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right
If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew
Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no
No no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything
When someone said count your blessings now
'fore they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew
Yeah yeah
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened
If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you
My darling
Who knew
Who knew
Darkember01 · Sat Feb 03, 2007 @ 04:47pm · 0 Comments |
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Life, what about it? Life is pointless, exhausting, and painful - at least for me that is. Try taking the worst nightmare you ever had, and multiply that fear by twelve - that is the fear I grew up with. Ironically, the only nightmares I get, are the ones in my reality. Imagine it for a minute. You think every one goes through a struggle once in their life, right? Then what would you call mine? A struggle? I think not! Getting bullied in school, yes, that's a struggle every kid grows up with. Getting teased, and fighting with your siblings, that's normal for the population of the struggles in our society. What I had to go through, is what you can call a tragedy. What I went through, was unfair and sickening to those who I told.
A home, what's the definition we give it? A home is a place we can call our own, a safe heaven if you will. A place where you and your loved ones can share in harmony, and exchange in another's remedies. As for mine, a home is what the typical myth of what hell is like. It wasn't safe, and it was just a torture chamber locking in all the laments and suffering inside. Everything that could happen outside of a home, happened just a door away. The suffering wasn't caused by a complete stranger, or an ex-friend, but caused by no one other than my own flesh and blood. Someone whom I once trusted, and loved dearly.
No one should go through what I went through. Nobody, not even a child. I was seven years old, when my very own brother ended my life, before it even began. I was young, innocent, caring, and full of life and joy, and he took all that away. I trusted him, looked up to him, and above all, cherished every moment I was with him. He stood up for me, when my other brother would try and kill me, make fun of me, and just being plain cruel. He was my best friend - my only friend. And no longer would I be able to look at him in glory. Now, I can only look at him in vain.
Everyone tells me that they understand what I went through, but what do they know? They never experienced the same thing I have, so how can they tell me that they understand? Reading about it and witnessing it, can never be the same as experiencing it. This is the kind of pain, that every ordinary human tries to block out, because it is intolerable. But, it happened to me. I had to fine some way to cope with it, alone. Because, I was alone in that situation. I couldn't turn to anyone for guidance and help, I was afraid they wouldn't believe me, or I'll get into trouble. A spanking and getting grounded wasn't the fear that was going through my head, but getting shot and killed, or being abandoned by my very own mother.
I thought it was a punishment from god. I thought I might have done something wrong to deserve this punishment, every day in my waking life. So I kept quiet, as the situation got worse. Every night, when my parents would leave for work, my brother would brake me, destroy me, leave me feeling filthy and insignificant.
I remember running to my room every night, as I would cry my self to sleep. I would cry till the sun came up, till the sun goes down. Until crying, wasn't good enough. I would lay in the middle of the road for hours, waiting for a car to run me over. Waiting for the pain to end. But it didn't, and it never will. Not only did I have to put up with the abuse, that took it's many forms, but the death of my twin brothers. Again, I blamed myself. Because, I wished and prayed to "God" to change them into girls. I didn't want anymore brothers, I already had four; two that would constantly abuse me, one I never saw, and one that only got me into trouble.
I always fantasied having sisters. I envied all who had them. I was sick of being the only girl in my immediate family. So, I prayed every night for "God" to change them from being twin 'brothers' to twin 'sisters'. Until the night of their birth, when they were pronounced dead. I had thought I wished for their death, and I blamed myself for my mother's agony and misfortune. I had blamed myself up to the point of my "stirring away from god" as many people would say, but I was turning into an atheist, and only focusing in on my pain. I lost my faith in god, when I would shout his name out for help. When I'd call out for him, begging him to make my brother stop raping me. Instead of the help I was expecting to come my way, was the silence in pain that took its place.
That one time, turned into a daily routine. Turned into the point, it was part of my natural schedule. I could predict when it was going to occur again. So, instead of my fighting, and screaming till my voice caved in, I went to him without a fight. Because I knew I was vulnerable to him, and fighting would only make him hurt me more. So I wanted it to hurry up and be over with so I could go back to playing with my toys.
It's easy for people to tell me to move on with my life, when it's coming from the lips of someone who hasn't experienced what I have. Move on, I can't, it's apart of me now. That kind of trauma can't be forgotten, and moving on isn't that simple. I'm tiered of people telling me that, as if I have never tried to do so. Also, it's kinda hard to forget that, whenever you try, it happens again. I tried dating, forgiving, forgetting; but all that, just gave me a stronger punch in the heart. My ex-boyfriend would attempt to rape me, molest me, and grope me whenever I saw him. And that was eight years later. Again, that occurred for a year, until I found someone to confide to. Which she stopped it. But, because of my fear of the same thing re-occurring, I lied and denied the whole thing. So till this day, he remains unpunished.
I want you to try a little exercise for me, ok? I want you to put yourself in my position, can you even compar? Could you even see it happening to you? And if so, what would have you done? Probably the smart thing and tell. But that aside, could you be so easily to trust another person; when ever you would put your trust in someone, they would constantly betray you, and hurt you? Just when you start to think that you found someone that would never leave you, betray you, or hurt you, they only prove you wrong in the end, and do the complete opposite to what you have thought?
So, try and be me, if you can. If you can't, stop trying to help me, because your just going to hurt yourself in the end. "You can't pick up a rose, without getting pricked by its thorns," meaning, you're picking one up blindly; you're helping me blindly. Your not going to win. That's why many of my friends and counselors gave up on me, cause they were unable to help as well. Them helping me, only caused aggravation, and frustration on their part; and it will happen to you too.
Darkember01 · Tue Jan 16, 2007 @ 05:46pm · 0 Comments |
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Christine, these are for you...... |
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There are so many stories I still want to tell
There are so many I love you's left unsaid
There are many tears left uncried
There are many dreams left to fall apart
I miss our long talks
I miss the nights when all was alright
I love you like a sister, you were my angel,
Yet I wonder why you left me here to die
We were forever best friends-
When one fell to the ground
The other one was there to help her back up.
We healed our broken hearts
With a hug and a gentle smile.
We stayed up every night looking at the stars,
Giggling like little girls and having midnight talks.
You said you had to go-
I wished it wasn't so.
You said we'd always write.
You said it would be like old times.
I looked in your eyes as you looked into mine,
With smiles like everything was fine.
Yet we both knew well that this was our last good-bye.
We knew that we would never again
Have those long talks and play like little girls again.
We knew all the pain we'd cause ourselves.
I also knew that my angel was being taken away,
Yet we promised no matter what we'd remain forever best friends
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I came to you the hour I was in pain
Looking for answers, I cried to you in vain.
I shared the many skeletons hiding in my heart,
I knew then you'd be my friend,
I knew it from the start.
Troubles ran like rivers, flowing through my life,
You picked the pieces up and help me through my strife.
When home wasn't home to me no more,
You opened up your heart, and opened up the door.
We cried into night until the early morn.
We solaced each other's pain and shared our many thorns.
As time flew, the air grew thick,
I saw our friendship fading, and my heart grew sick.
The day had arrived,
When it was time to say goodbye.
Now I sit alone,
reminiscing the past I'd blown.
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I reached out for your hand
You didn't seem to care;
You can only reach so far
When no one else is there.
Others also reached for you
Hoping to make you see;
That we're just as important
As he will ever be.
We wish we could reach further
But we are only so strong;
We hoped your eyes would open
So that you'd see you're wrong.
It hurts to have to reach far
When you once were so near;
It's hard shouting out for you
With our voices you don't hear.
We wish you'd extend your hand
And sense the friendship there;
Knowing what our memories mean
Showing us you still care.
We realize you don't reach back
Instead his hands with yours;
You can't handle both the worlds
So you close common doors.
We're done reaching for the past
You are now on your own;
We hope he is all worth it,
Without him you're alone.
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Whenever I needed someone to talk to
You were always there.
My eyes filled with tears, my heart filled with pain, and
You were always there.
There was no time when I had doubt
to come to you because
You were always there.
I could see in your eyes you wanted to help, and that you really cared.
Whenever I was down and blue
You were always there.
No matter my problems, are what was wrong
You were always there.
Whenever I felt like nothing matters
You were always there.
Now your gone, and I don't know what to do
I close my eyes and think of you, and how
You were always there.
It's hard to look at the pictures, and get memories of you
Can you hear me now
At night I pray, and I speak to you
I guess you were right when you told me no matter how far you were
You would always be there.
I know one day I'll see you again, but till then I have to say goodbye
Even though it hurts to hear your name, and speak of you
One thing I will always say is
You were always there.
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There is a storm in my heart
It tears my inside apart
I am bleeding and I am hurt
Like a wingless little bird
Then it turns dark
And for a moment I see
The pain that was inside of me
And on a journey I embark
In search of answers
In search of truth
In search of understanding
In search of you
My guiding star in darkness
Like a little stream in the desert
Everything about you seems flawless
But that is what causes the hurt
Your perfect features do not belong to me
You do not deserve my chains
You need to live and see
What it means to be free
So spread your wings and fly away
For I can not fulfill your dream
But if you should fall one day
I'll guide you and be that little stream
So go and discover it all
And know that wherever you go
Whatever you do and might feel
The only thing you need to do is call
Darkember01 · Tue Jan 16, 2007 @ 05:41pm · 0 Comments |
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Just a poem I wrote, it's not that good. enjoy! |
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My last words, to my one and only lover |
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Hugh. a broken heart....A broken heart? You honestly believe that this whole ordeal is all because of a broken heart? Ha-ha-ha-ha, that is absolutely hilarious! No-no-no, my dear boy this has nothing to do with a broken heart! Nothing to do with it at all. You see, like I have told you once before, "My heart had already been broken, even before I have met you," so there is no way, no way at all, that this whole thing is all because of a broken heart! So tell me. How is it possible for a shattered heart to break? I can answer that question! You cant. You cant break something, which has already been broken.
So lets see if I know how to describe to you what it is that I am feeling, so you wouldnt get misinformed. Because, I want you to know, and understand where I am coming from, so there would be no confusion. Hmm... oh! I know. Ok this is how I can describe to you every emotion that I have had building inside of me, at every moment, every second, every day, every week, and at every month. This is from where it started, and where it is at the present time.
You leading me into a room, a room of illusions, dreams, and whispered needs. In that room, you show me an empty casket. A casket in which has pointed, sharp knives that are standing upward from the bed of the casket, as well as the lid. Although, the knives remain to exist in the casket, I am being blinded, which is preventing me to see what truly lies within that bed. So I continue placing my complete trust, and confidence in you. But yet did I know that your heart is really misconceiving, and storing the intention of treachery.
To prevent me from removing the blind fold from my eyes, you whisper in my heart, my mind, my soul, and my entire being; so it would be able to catch those words, and consume them, by saying how much I mean to you, how much you love me, and all of that romantic, false compassionate words. And like a fool, I have allowed myself to fall for them.
You began to make your promises, you have told me those lies, which have convinced me to lie inside the casket of knives. As soon as I lay inside the casket, all that was hidden from me have appeared in front of me. The truth cut deep, the realality stung my flesh. The pain was unbearable.
Once you have realized that I was exactly where you wanted me to be, you place your hands on my chest, and pressed down as hard as you can, so that those knives would pierce through my entire being, even deeper than it once was. Deeper, and deeper did those knives pierce through me. My body flinched, and cried raindrops of blood, that fell from every wound.
Then I have looked up at you, with a cold, pain strucked gaze, as you look back at mine with no meaning, just the hatred, and the lack of compassion, and the hidden desire to get ride of my existence for ever.
Pain ran through every nerve quickly, pulsing through my entire body. The agony getting fiercer within every second, making it painful to breathe let alone to cry out.
Once my painful screeches began to get in a nuisance; you take the cover to the casket, and slam it shut. Allowing me to bleed to death.
Then you begin to wait ever so patiently, waited until the screams have ceased to open the casket, to take me out of it. You then lay my drenched, bloody body on the ground, with stained tears on my cheeks; to take a metal baseball bat and beat me with it. Once, twice, five times, over an over again, did you swing that bat at me, until the point my blood splashes on your face, and decorates your entire shirt.
Then once the bat began to get boring, you go looking for something more painful. You look around and spot a chainsaw. You smirk and pick it up, and turn it on. You walk over to the motionless, bloody corpse, of me and start to slowly saw off every limb. So do you think I am finished? Think again! I am only getting started.
Once my limbs have been separated from my body, you walk over and pick up the rest of me, and throwing it into an abyss of clear, and complete darkness; were I would forever remain falling in for the rest of my pitiful existence!
So you see, I really, really dont think a heartbreak could even come close in comparison. For you have destroyed me! You have taken my life, my soul, my entire being, and vanquished it! Throwing me out, as if I were some sort of garbage!
Like a giant plague, you have swept over me! Like a deadly illness, you have taken over me! Ironically enough, there is no cure, no cure to this non-ending pain that is building inside me. Nothing would hush, and silence the screams inside my soul. This continuing feeling that I have has possessed me! Never leaving me be! Never allowing me to continue on with my life!
So, now think of what I have just described to you, and think of how I feel whenever those memories, your name, your voice begins to play on my mind? They appear in my mind unexpectingly, and they are surton to be unwanted. Like pop-ups, and commercials during a movie. Trust me. I dont want it.
So I continue on feeling as I have been taken advantage of. I just cant believe that my heart remains attached to you, when you are the one that I spite the most! When you are the one that I never want to remember. I never want to think of you, and most of all. I dont want to continue on being in love with you! No matter how much I try to run from it, I cant hide from the truth. I am in love with you. I dont mean to be, and I dont want to be.
Trust me, if there was a button, that would automatically stop this feeling, to erase your existence in my life forever, lets just say that I wouldnt be hesitant, nor would I have any second thoughts of pushing it!
Do you remember when you have told me that I have saved, and taken you out of the darkness, the darkness of your past, fears, pain, and guilt? Well guess what? You have brought me down into that same darkness to leave me, and to allow me to rot in it.
The only thing you have given me in turn, for all the compassion, for all the love I have shown, were lame, false excuses, and lies. You have told me that one of the reasons you didnt want to be with me anymore, was because you have feared that I was too young for you. I guess that was a lie, because you are currently with a girl who is a year younger than me! What about the time when I have questioned you why you would read the mail that I have sent you, but never reply? You said there was something wrong with myspace that you have sent it, but never showed up. You know what, I have mailed Tom, and he had said that there was nothing wrong with myspace, and it is kind of funny how you were the only one that was having trouble with mailing people. Or what about the time when I asked you why you havent been returning my calls? You told me that it was because you have lost your phone. *Shakes head* another lie! A little birdie has informed me that the night you have sent that excuse was the night they have made a call from it, while you were with them!
Wow! You know what? You are a really good actor. You should make it into a profession. Or what about becomming a con man? Cause you seem to be really good at fooling people. Cause man! You sure did have me fooled. I wouldnt have thought that you were pretending the whole time. All those talks of never leaving me, coming over to come see me, the ring, and everything else. I wouldnt have thought that it was all a lie.
Dont get me wrong. Im not a materialistic person. Its the extent that you made up stuff, and made up those false promises, and everything else that has hurt me so much. So, the meaning of anger, the feeling of betrayal, sadness, anguish, agony; you know no meaning of those words. And all of it, is far beyond your understanding. So if there is anyone here, who should be mad, it would be me! For I have another five to six years to get over this, if not longer. So, do you think that I, I have no right into being angry? Cause everyone else, including myself, believes that I have every right to be pissed off.
-Goodbye, and farewell
-The destined to be forsakened
Darkember01 · Sun May 21, 2006 @ 10:26pm · 0 Comments |
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Everyone in their life searches for something. If it is love, happyness, freedom, or even a good job. And everyone wants something. But when my heart speaks to me, and reveals the truth, on what I truely want. It makes me cry. It makes me cry because I know, no matter how hard I try I could never have it. It is impossible. Like when you are standing on the ground looking at the stars above, and you reach your hand up and try to snatch one, you can't. That is how I feel. I see happyness, I see true love, and I witness miricals. But when I reach for it, I can't grasp it. So what am I searching for, can't be found. But for a brief moment I have found it. I had a moment to hold that star in my hand, but it didn't stay with me. It left me alone, and cold. I had the taste of true happyness, and freedom. The warm feeling to my heart as if I was laying on a sandy beach, and feeling the sun warm me. For the first time I fell asleep with a smile on my face and I had the excitment of getting up, for the next day to begin. But like I said, It didn't last very long. That person was fake, pretending to say those sweet words that made my heart sing when ever I heard them. " I love you." He would say that to me whenever he talked to me. Then he left me. He wouldn't talk to me. Started to avoid me. He said that he would always be here for me, said that he truely loves me. Said that he wanted to marry me. At that point I fell for him deep. "I believed him." Big mistake. I was being used, as if I was some sort of toy. He tricked me into believeing him. So now when I have fallen so deep, how am I surpose to get out of the darkend epitome, of the illusion of happyness, that he created? How am i surpose to go on? My heart begs, pleeds, screams for my savor. Screams for my lover to come and take me out. Who isn't fake, who is real, and for that person to say," I'm here for you."
Darkember01 · Thu Dec 29, 2005 @ 03:45am · 0 Comments |
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I finally feel a live for the fist time in so long. I have fallen in love w/ the sweetest guy that I have ever met. And he loves me so much. And every since we have told each other how we felt I haven't stoped smiling. Like I would fall asleep with a smile on my face; I would get goose bumps whenever I thought of him, or see his picture; Me and him would finish each others sentences. He make me feel like my heart is wrapped in furr. Cause even though I alwasy feel cold on the inside, becuase of him I feel warm on the inside. Like the feeling of drinking hott Chocolate on a cold winter morning. The fire that warms your flesh when you sat next to it. He not only gives me warmth, but love. Now that I have found the one I want to be with, I can't understnd why my friends are mad at me for loving him back. Just becasue he had a rough past, and he did something stupid,and to the fact he lives in California; is their reason why they don't want me with him. Should the things happin in the 'past ' stay in the ' past '? I meen I excepted to the fact that he did it. And I still love him. Nothing he does would change the way that I feel for him now. T crying T..and I don't know if I can live with another heart brake. I don't want to live w/o him. He is the most passionate, the most loving guy that I have ever met. I love him so much. But I love my friends as well. And I am stuck in the middle. And I don't know what to do...T crying T..why is it whenever something good happends to me; there's consiquences? Why can't my friends just be happy for me? Isn't enough that he makes me happy?..I am so attached to him now...I don't know what to do. If I can't be w/ him, I will die.
Darkember01 · Thu Oct 27, 2005 @ 12:50am · 0 Comments |
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