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Dear Andii,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but I'm in love with your cat. I think I realized it,when you put cuffs on me as you were eating Kraft Dinner and I saw you sit on my corned beef hash. I'm sure you're Masochistic enough to understand That I'm allergic to your earlobes. I'm returning Your old New Kids on the Block blanket to you, but I'll keep Your left ear as a memory. You should also know that I Haven’t showered in a month and I'm scratching my butt as you read this.


Please don’t hurt me.