I do believe it's true that there are holes left in both of our shoes... If the silence takes you, then I hope it takes me too... So brown eyes I hold you near, 'Cause you're the only song I want to hear, a melody softly soaring through my atmosphere... where soul meets body.
I don't know..... I've been realleh confused lately by myself. All these things like memories and emotions coming up again and again and I push them away. I don't want to deal with 'em anymore but they keep comin' relentlesly. Huh.
The more time I see her the more I crave her to be mine again..... when we were together for that fleeting time, it felt the same like we always were but I did feel a small spark. She did too Im sure but I felt it and I felt it well inside me. I wantes to stay with her in those moments..... I shouldn't have let her go. I mean come on I'm such a stupid a** for doing it. I love her so much, my brown eyes..... my soulful brown eyes, she is. Heh.
Dunno, am I weird for feeling this way? Was I deserving of that mistake? I mean, because I let her go she's much happier with another guy and they spent their one year anniversary today. Could have been mine and her's I guess. Could have. Could have, always could have with me. Why can't I do something right? And when I do, and the ball start's rollin' why can't I stick with it? I suddenly feel a bit lonely and distant as she talks of her boyfriend, how beautiful their relationship is... but she stops. She's sensitive to others' emotions like that. I love that about her.
Today for some reason I kept thinking she was there with me, everywhere. I would hear her voice in my head, in my head only. It was really sad and wishful. Once I did see her taking a walk with her mom and grandma today I smiled for the first time. I dunno...... I want her back, for myself. Am I evil for wanting this? She is happy you know, but my emotions can't seem to agree with my rational mind. Dunno why. I suppose that's what you call human nature.
Silverfox_Jing Community Member 
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